#wordplay

This wasn't just plain terrible, this was fancy terrible. This was terrible with raisins in it. ↗

— Dorothy Parker

#fancy #raisins #terrible #wordplay #bad

tomorrow's gone-we'll have tonight! ↗

— Dorothy Parker

#quip #tonight #wordplay #short-story

Doctors most commonly get mixed up between absence of evidence and evidence of abense ↗

— Nassim Nicholas Taleb

#evidence #medicine #quip #wordplay #medicine

Your friends are all the dullest dogs I know. They are not beautiful: they are only decorated. They are not clean: they are only shaved and starched. They are not dignified: they are only fashionably dressed. They are not educated: they are only college passmen. They are not religious: they are only pewrenters. They are not moral: they are only conventional. They are not virtuous: they are only cowardly. They are not even vicious: they are only “frail.” They are not artistic: they are only lascivious. They are not prosperous: they are only rich. They are not loyal, they are only servile; not dutiful, only sheepish; not public spirited, only patriotic; not courageous, only quarrelsome; not determined, only obstinate; not masterful, only domineering; not self-controlled, only obtuse; not self-respecting, only vain; not kind, only sentimental; not social, only gregarious; not considerate, only polite; not intelligent, only opinionated; not progressive, only factious; not imaginative, only superstitious; not just, only vindictive; not generous, only propitiatory; not disciplined, only cowed; and not truthful at all: liars every one of them, to the very backbone of their souls. ↗

— George Bernard Shaw

#wordplay #beauty

He: "Whale you be my valentine?" She: "Dolphinitely. ↗

— Adam Young

#sea #valentine #wordplay #originality

Man is the only animal that blushes. Or needs to. ↗

— Mark Twain

#wordplay #animals

Do is to don’t, as go is to gon’t. Gon’t even do there.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#wordplay #humor

It was not that he was feckless, more that he had simply not been around the day they handed out feck. ↗

— Neil Gaiman

#humorous #wordplay #humor

I'm just like any other person you can meet and greet on the street and like or not like. I'm not Holden or Humbert. You can really touch me! If you don't believe me, come to Aristod right now. Come hold and hump me! ↗

— Brian Celio

#humbert #humor #salinger #wordplay #humor

Now me,” said Mr. Vandemar. “What number am I thinking of?” “I beg your pardon?” “What number am I thinking of?” repeated Mr. Vandemar. “It’s between one and a lot,” he added, helpfully. ↗

— Neil Gaiman

#wordplay #funny