#wordplay

Life insurance is a dying industry.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#death #dying #industry #life-insurance #pun

Easily found, easily gathered, lives were the small change of this world, and if you lost a few, it didn't matter; there were always more. ↗

— Salman Rushdie

#change

I understand that you are an accomplished swords-man,” she finally said. He eyed her curiously. Where was she going with this? “I like to fence, yes,” he replied. “I have always wanted to learn.” “Good God,” Gregory grunted. “I would be quite good at it,” she protested. “I’m sure you would,” her brother replied, “which is why you should never be allowed within thirty feet of a sword.” He turned to Gareth. “She’s quite diabolical.” “Yes, I’d noticed,” Gareth murmured, deciding that maybe there might be a bit more to Hyacinth’s brother than he had thought. Gregory shrugged, reaching for a piece of shortbread. “It’s probably why we can’t seem to get her married off.” “Gregory!” This came from Hyacinth, but that was only because Lady Bridgerton had excused herself and followed one of the footmen into the hall. “It’s a compliment!” Gregory protested. “Haven’t you waited your entire life for me to agree that you’re smarter than any of the poor fools who have attempted to court you?” “You might find it difficult to believe,” Hyacinth shot back, “but I haven’t been going to bed each night thinking to myself—Oh, I do wish my brother would offer me something that passes for a compliment in his twisted mind. ↗

— Julia Quinn

#compliments #humor #siblings #swordplay #humor

It is a truth universally acknowledged, he’d mused, that most people will never find their ‘call me Ishmael’. ↗

— Django Wylie

#jane-austen #moby-dick #pride-and-prejudice #truth #wordplay

It occurred to the man that the biggest problem with this staid world was the overwhelming demand for conformity. Everything was so eerily definitive: assent to the mandates of society would see you on the rise, but dissent was a steady downward path. ↗

— Django Wylie

#life #life-lessons #puns #wordplay #life

Committee - a group of men who keep minutes and waste hours. ↗

— Milton Berle

#wordplay #men

I'm amazed at how amazing amazing artists are... truly amazing! ↗

— Stuart Blythe

#artists #fun #music #wordplay #music

You can't let the truth bring out the worst and let it get the best of you. ↗

— Criss Jami

#best #clever #condescension #humble #humility

Mother could go for one year without food, but not one day without her lip sticks. ↗

— Barbara Kingsolver

#wordplay #food

Save your explanations, I got some questions for you first and you'd better answer them!' [slurred Hellian.] 'With what?' [Banaschar] sneered. 'Explanations?' 'No. Answers. There's a difference-' 'Really? How? What difference?' 'Explanations are what people use when they need to lie. Y'can always tell those,'cause those don't explain nothing and then they look at you like they just cleared things up when really they did the opposite and they know it and you know it and they know you know and you know they know that you know and they know you and you know them and maybe you go out for a pitcher later but who picks up the tab? That's what I want to know.' 'Right, and answers?' 'Answers is what I get when I ask questions. Answers is when you got no choice. I ask, you tell. I ask again, you tell some more. Then I break your fingers, 'cause I don't like what you're telling me, because those answers don't explain nothing! ↗

— Steven Erikson

#banaschar #drunk #explanations #funny #hellian