#witty

If you were smart," Genghis said, "you would have borrowed the silverware of one of your friends." "We never thought of that," Klaus said. When one is forced to tell atrocious lies, one often feels a guilty flutter in one's stomach, and Klaus felt such a flutter now. "You certainly are an intelligent man." "Not only am I intelligent," Genghis agreed, "but I'm also very smart. ↗

— Lemony Snicket

#clever #count-olaf #funny-humor #intelligent #lemony-snicket

Taking a single letter from the alphaber," he said, "should make life simpler." "I don't see why. Take the F from life and you have lie. It's adding a letter to simple that makes it simpler. Taking a letter from hoarder makes it harder. ↗

— James Thurber

#simpler #witty #life

Bishop was all done with the witty converstaion. "Will you swear?" And Myrnin said, shockingly, "I will." And he proceeded to, a string of swearwords that made Claire blink. He ended with, "--frothy fool-born apple-john! Cheater of vandals and defiler of dead dogs!" and did another twirl and bow. He looked up with a red, red grin that was more like a leer. "Is that what you meant, my lord? ↗

— Rachel Caine

#claire-danvers #humor #myrnin #witty

Childhood friends are continuity, uninterrupted connections between selves, and you hold on them. You hold on them and you love them, but sometimes they're not quite comfortable. ↗

— Lynn Messina

#love

The important thing to remember is not to forget ↗

— Benny Bellamacina

#life #philosophy #relationships #wisdom #wit

The man is as useless as nipples on a breastplate. ↗

— George R.R. Martin

#simile #witty #insult

The culture of the Epic Fail, in its rituals of comic sacrifice, is a culture of sublimated predation. ↗

— Mark O'Connell

#witty #art

Jace set what he was holding down on the windowsill and reached out to her. She came to lean against him, and his hand slid up under her t-shirt and rested caressingly, possessively, on the small of her back. He bent to kiss her, gently at first, but the gentleness went quickly and soon she was pressed up against the glass of the window, his hands at the hem of her shirt — his shirt — “Jace.” She moved a little bit away. “I’m pretty sure people down there in the street can see us.” “We could …” He gestured toward the bed. “Move…over there.” She grinned. “You said that like it took you a while to come up with the idea.” When he spoke, his voice was muffled against her neck. “What can I say, you make my thought processes slow down. Now I know what it’s like to be a normal person.” “How … is it?” The things he was doing with his hands under the t-shirt were distracting. “Terrible. I’m already way behind on my quota of witty comments for the day. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#clary-fray #jace-wayland #witty

Krystal’s slow passage up the school had resembled the passage of a goat through the body of a boa constrictor, being highly visible and uncomfortable for both parties concerned. ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#high-school

Nothing uses up alcohol faster than political argument. ↗

— Robert A. Heinlein

#politics #witty #alcohol