#witty

So just let me deal with it, I can be emotionally flawed and still love you all at the same time. I’m a great multitasker. ↗

— Holly Hood

#paranormal-series #true-love #witty #funny

First rule of thievery,' Eli said, grinning, 'only run if you're not coming back.' (...) 'First rule of thievery, never use the same entrance twice.' Miranda rolled her eyes. 'How many 'first rules' of thievery do you have?' 'When one mistake can mean your head on a pike, every rule's a first rule,' Eli said cheerfully. ↗

— Rachel Aaron

#humor #rules-to-live-by #witty #funny

But I'm a selfish man. I've wanted you since you fell into my office. You are exquisite, honest, warm, strong, witty, beguilingly innocent; the list is endless. I'm in awe of you. I want you, and the thought of anyone else having you is like a knife twisting in my dark soul. ↗

— E.L. James

#fifty-shades #witty

Pretending to care what men think is an art. It takes moments to learn, but lifetimes to master. I’d like to believe I’m an expert. ↗

— Dennis Sharpe

#true #vampire #veronica #witty #art

The guy's life drunk, I think, makes Candide look like a sourpuss. Does he even know that death exists? ↗

— Jandy Nelson

#lennie-walker #witty #death

Instead of a Lemonade Stand, I should open up a “You know what I can’t stand?” Stand. I’ll sell rants in small, medium, and large.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#drink #drinking #entrepreneur #entrepreneurship #funny

If girlfriends were knees, I'd love to have both of mine replaced. That way, it'd be easier to run around on them. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#girlfriends #knees #replaced #run-around #witty

Never met such a Gorgon . . . I don't really know what a Gorgon is like, but I am quite sure that Lady Bracknell is one. In any case, she is a monster, without being a myth, which is rather unfair. ↗

— Oscar Wilde

#funny

And it's really very difficult to kill someone when all your inner instincts would oblige you to take off your hat first! ↗

— Susan Kay

#funny #humor #ironic #irony #satire

Who knew Demon Child would have such a normal name? I expected something exotic like Serena or Destiny or the Evil One That Comes in the Night to Make Us Chilly. ↗

— Darynda Jones

#humor #snarky #witty #funny