#un

I like to call in sick to work at places where I’ve never held a job. Then when the manager tells me I don’t work there, I tell them I’d like to. But not today, as I’m sick. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #job #manager #sick

Want to play baseball?’” she asked. Shane’s eyes opened, and he stopped stroking her hair. “What?’” “First base,’” she said. “You’re already there.’” “I’m not running the bases.’” “Well, you could at least steal second.’” “Jeez, Claire. I used to distract myself with sports stats at times like these, but now you’ve gone and ruined it. ↗

— Rachel Caine

#morganvillevampires #sweet #funny

Ethan Wyeth: I hope you're thirsty." Gideon Wyeth:"Why?" Ethan: "Cause your dumb and ugly, but I can do something about thirsty. ↗

— Orson Scott Card

#funny #humour #stupid #funny

Remind me," he paused, drawing in a stuttered gasp, "to never piss you off again. Christ, are you secretly a ninja? ↗

— Jennifer L. Armentrout

#funny #katy #ninja #funny

I love New York. You can pop out of the Underworld in Central Park, hail a taxi, head down Fifth Avenue with a giant hellhound loping behind you, and nobody even looks at you funny. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#blasé #new-york-city #nonchalance #funny

Tantalus made a wild grab, but the marshmallow committed suicide, diving into the flames. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#funny #funny

Moistening her lips, she asked, "That's what this is all about? Bringing me here?" His hesitation was so slight she almost missed it. "It could be. Probably is, after all." "You still want to seduce me." "I want whatever you can give me," he murmured against her ear. "Where we go from here may depend on what I can give you. ↗

— Jennifer Blake

#reunited-lovers #love

I want to create moonglasses, and then write a song called, "I Wear My Moonglasses at Noon." Hopefully, with a little lunar luck, my track will also feature Corey Hart. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#corey-hart #funny #humor #luck #lunar

It's so funny you judge me arrogant after I succeeded. You didn't help me at all when I was so poor and needy. ↗

— Toba Beta

#judge #needy #poor #succeded #funny

Dachshunds have their own agenda and can be stubborn about seeing their plans through to completion. What Rosie lacked in consistency, she made up for in enthusiasm. Most of the time when I called her name, she sprinted back, her long ears cocked and flying like a little girl's pigtails. Each encounter was a glorious reunion, even if we'd been parted for only a minute or two. I had never felt so loved. ↗

— Mary Doria Russell

#ears #love #love