#un

A million possible endearments ran through his head. But he said, “Help. ↗

— Robyn Carr

#funny #humour #romance #funny

With nearly 20 days until Iraq emerges as a free sovereign state for the first time in more than three decades, terrorists have increasingly targeted our country's infrastructure. ↗

— Iyad Allawi

#days #decades #emerges #first #first time

Performance enhancements are most impressive when used by that sedentary athlete, the videogamer. After he turns to hitchhiking in disgrace, his giant thumbs can take him anywhere. ↗

— Bauvard

#doping #funny #hitchhiking #humor #steroids

And you are going to close the gates, because I told you to close the gates. ↗

— Hilari Bell

#funny #jiaan #funny

I'm a reliable witness, you're a reliable witness, practically all God's children are reliable witnesses in their own estimation--which makes it funny how such different ideas of the same affair get about. ↗

— John Wyndham

#funny

Jesse is a good guy, although I don't understand the infatuation with the spandex he is always running around in. ↗

— Holly Hood

#funny

Funny, they made this new genre called Speculative Fiction, I thought all fiction had always been speculative. ↗

— Teri Louise Kelly

#funny

Don't be a luddy-duddy! Don't be a mooncalf! Don't be a jabbernowl! You're not those, are you? ↗

— W.C. Fields

#funny

I’d never name my kid Mark, for fear he’d be a target—a mark.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#bizarre #funny #humor #random #random-thought

I had to quit my taxi cab driving job because I had no way to get to work. The problem was I kept calling myself to come pick me up. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #job #taxi #work #funny