#un

I think we may have started this conversation off on the wrong foot," Robert said finally. In fact, if the conversation had been animate, the merciful thing to do would have been to take it out behind the barn and shoot it. ↗

— Courtney Milan - The Duchess War

#funny

Sudden money is going from zero to two hundred dollars a week. The rest doesn't count. ↗

— Neil Simon

#count #dollars #going #hundred #rest

So just let me deal with it, I can be emotionally flawed and still love you all at the same time. I’m a great multitasker. ↗

— Holly Hood

#paranormal-series #true-love #witty #funny

I'll eat rabbit pellets before you get me into something pink with ruffles. ↗

— Deb Baker

#pink #funny

How much can you do with two voices? You can sing thirds or you can sing fifths or you can do a background harmony. ↗

— Paul Simon

#harmony #how #much #sing #thirds

Laine had been very proud of herself last night. Nicholas had talked about ghosts and magic and woven a bit of a spell himself. He'd sounded so convincing, so logical, so sad, that she'd found herself wanting to believe him. But testing prods at his argument had made him angry, and long years with Gavin had taught her that angry, defensive people shared the lousy habit of being wrong. ↗

— Stephen M. Irwin

#charisma #conning #defensiveness #pride #supernatural

Governments are nothing more than elaborate Rube Goldberg apparatuses, operating with absurd inefficiency. Why walk ten steps when you can make it there in a hundred?
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#government #rube-goldberg #funny

The university awarded me my degree, but can something that’s basically worthless be properly called an award?
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#college #degree #fraud #funny #humor

As early as 1,000 BC, man had to wait nearly 3,000 years to talk to me.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#history #humor #man #time #funny

I think I found your vampire,” Andrew said, except this time he wasn’t so amused. However, Gabriella was, her smile huge as she laughed, the sound a trill in the densely packed cold air. “You think this is funny?” The words came out surly, but Andrew couldn’t stop his lips from twitching over her amusement. “I thought they’d be bigger,” she said, stifling another round of giggles. “Are you okay?” “Just a flesh wound. ↗

— Laura Kreitzer

#fantasy #fiction #key-of-pearl #laura-kreitzer #paranormal-fantasy