#um

I growl with frustration at my reflection in the mirror. My hair is fifty shades messed up. Why is it so kinky and out of control? I need to stop sleeping with it wet. As I brush my long brown hair, the girl in the mirror with the brown eyes too big for her head stares back at me. Wait... my eyes are blue! It dawns on me that I've been staring at a poster of Kristen Stewart for five minutes. My own hair is fine. ↗

— Fanny Merkin

#humor

My stomach is tied up in so many knots it could make a boy scout envious. ↗

— Colleen Hoover

#humor

I swear, sometimes talking to you is like trying to converse with a tree. A very big, very solid, very male tree. ↗

— Julie Ann Walker

#humor

And what the fuck were you doing parading around in those jeans and that shirt last—” “Parading?” “You are not allowed to put on your fuck-me clothes if I ain’t there to do the fucking! ↗

— Mary Calmes

#humor

Will you walk into my parlour?" said the Spider to the Fly ↗

— Mary Howitt

#lessons #poetry #humor

"Screw the oath." I lean in until I feel her breath against my face, then I stop. I don't want to rush her. "You've done enough for them. You're protecting me. Who cares about the rest?" "I do." She closes her eyes,and her jaw quivers. "I swore to get you safely through this-and I will. And then you'll return with the Gales and meet your betrothed." "They can take their betrothal and shove it. I want you." Audra and Vane ↗

— Shannon Messenger

#humor

He whipped out his sheet, then pulled it over himself and wrapped it tightly around his face like an old woman in a shawl. 'How do I look?' 'Like the ugliest shanky girl I’ve ever seen,' Minho responded. 'You better thank the gods above you were born a dude.' 'Thanks. ↗

— James Dashner

#minho #old-ladies #scorch-trials #shanks #humor

Running ain't no bad thing. Leastways if you run in the right direction. ↗

— Mark Lawrence

#run #humor

Do I really run like that?" (Kitty) "Yup," Martini confirmed. "Don't worry, I think it's sexy." "Thank God. I think I look like a cheetah on drugs. ↗

— Gini Koch

#humor #sci-fi #humor

Mr. Rochester never courted Jane Eyre," Tessa pointed out. "No, he dressed up as a woman and terrified the poor girl out of her wits. Is that what you want?" "You would make a very ugly woman." "I would not. I would be stunning. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#jane-eyre #tessa-gray #william-herondale #humor