#toilet

When somebody follows you 20 blocks to the pharmacy, where they watch you buy toilet paper, you know your life has changed. ↗

— Jennifer Aniston

#buy #changed #follows #know #life

I'm cleaning toilets for $30 a day, because I needed that $30, and people are pointing at me, saying, Look at the big movie star. Look where he is now. I just said, I'm where God put me. ↗

— Willie Aames

#big #big movie #cleaning #day #god

Tonight the city is full of morgues, and all the toilets are overflowing. There's shopping malls coming out of the walls, as we walk out among the manure. That's why I pay no mind. ↗

— Beck

#city #coming #full #i #malls

Today you can go to a gas station and find the cash register open and the toilets locked. They must think toilet paper is worth more than money. ↗

— Joey Bishop

#cash register #find #gas #gas station #go

Yup, the toilet is my best friend before a show. ↗

— Eric Carr

#best #best friend #friend #show #toilet

I'm shy. I can go on a trip for days and not go because I won't sit on a toilet seat on a plane. I'm certainly not going to go on somebody's lawn. Could you imagine, in a cocktail dress? ↗

— Farrah Fawcett

#certainly #cocktail #could #days #dress

You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar. ↗

— George Carlin

#candy #chocolate #eating #feeling #know

I'm horrible to live with. I don't clean. My clothes end up wherever I take them off. I forget to flush the toilet. ↗

— Megan Fox

#clothes #end #flush #forget #horrible

I think the bottom line for me and for Newsweek is that there were a lot of - we did retract this specific matter about the Koran and the toilet for the reasons that you just cited. ↗

— Michael Isikoff

#bottom #bottom line #cited #did #i

It's been said that adults spend the first two years of their children's lives trying to make them walk and talk, and the next sixteen years trying to get them to sit down and shut up. It's the same way with potty training: Most adults spend the first few years of a child's life cheerfully discussing pee and poopies, and how important it is to learn to put your pee-pee and poo-poo in the potty like big people do. But once children have mastered the art of toilet training, they are immeadiately forbidden to ever talk about poop, pee, toilets and other bathroom-related subjects again. Such things are now considered rude and vulgar, and are no longer rewarded with praise and cookies and juice boxes. One day you're a superstar because you pooped in the toilet like a big boy, and the next day you're sitting in the principal's office because you said the word "poopy" in American History class (which, if you ask me, is the perfect place to say that word). ↗

— Dav Pilkey

#potty-humor #toilet-training #art