#tire

The tire left a skid mark on the road that looked like a mustache. So I shaved it off the pavement, stuffed it in my trunk, and took it home to wear to work the next day. Ah, but that’s life, no?
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#day #life #mustache #nonsense #pavement

It was ironic, but when you scratched the surface, most successful men were working for one thing only--to retire--and the sooner the better. Whereas women were the complete opposite. She had never heard a woman say she was working so she could retire to a desert island or to live on a boat. It was probably, she thought, because most women didn't think they deserved to do nothing. ↗

— Candace Bushnell

#retire #success #women #working #men

Lisa blamed Twilight, and the preconceived notions about men (especially dangerous men) that it tended to form in the impressionable adolescent mind. ↗

— Nenia Campbell

#men #satire #twilight #men

Americans believe that people should work hard and get ahead on their own, but when disaster strikes and they need help with retirement or disability, Americans as a whole should come to their aid. ↗

— Jacob Hacker

#aid #believe #come #disability #disaster

It is the function of science to discover the existence of a general reign of order in nature and to find the causes governing this order. And this refers in equal measure to the relations of man - social and political - and to the entire universe as a whole. ↗

— Dmitri Mendeleev

#discover #entire #entire universe #equal #equal measure

So avoid using the word ‘very’ because it’s lazy. A man is not very tired, he is exhausted. Don’t use very sad, use morose. Language was invented for one reason, boys - to woo women - and, in that endeavor, laziness will not do. It also won’t do in your essays. ↗

— N.H. Kleinbaum

#laziness #morose #tired #very #women

Sleep did not honor me with it’s presence. ↗

— Alysha Speer

#exhausted #honor #me #presents #sharden

Great News! If you quit being cunty the whole world will stop being against you! ↗

— Sarah Silverman

#satire #twitter #twitter

You're miserable, edgy and tired. You're in the perfect mood for journalism. ↗

— Warren Ellis

#journalism #miserable #mood #perfect #tired

I must be overtired', Buttercup managed. 'The excitement and all.' 'Rest then', her mother cautioned. 'Terrible things can happen when you're overtired. I was overtired the night your father proposed. ↗

— William Goldman

#irony #repartee #the-princess-bride #tired #tiredness