#surreal

I want my kids to have the things in life that I never had when I was growing up. Things like beards and chest hair. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#beards #children #dada #funny #funny-quotes

He wishes he were a skilled poet, it would fit his chosen image perfectly; the poor, tragic, tortured artiste. But he has no talent for words, neither for paints nor music; his uselessness is tremendously total. ↗

— Curtis Ackie

#alchemy #magic-realism #magical-realism #surrealism #music

Dream nonsense: Character: Hey, how are you? Me: I’m tired. I mean, this is a dream, so I must be, right? ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#surreal #change

If liquid courage smelled like cologne and gushed out of my penis, I’d make a better fire fighter than I’m not right now. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#penis #strange #surreal #change

A brick is what the aliens gave me to communicate with them. It’s easy to operate. Just go to a party, or any crowded location, place the brick on your head, and stand perfectly still until they open up lines of communication. If you talk to Egbok Wangor, tell him I want the twenty bucks he owes me—and I’ll even give you a twenty percent collector’s fee.
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

I want to lose weight by eating nothing but moon pies, which have significantly less gravity than earthier foods such as fruits and vegetables. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#diet #earth #fruit #funny #gravity

I believe in the future resolution of these two states, dream and reality, which are seemingly so contradictory, into a kind of absolute reality, a surreality, if one may so speak. ↗

— André Breton

#dreams

Several people toss and turn in their sleep, startled by the lines of the newspapers in their dreams, knives out, lights out, lights out, knives out! ↗

— Hans Carl Artmann

#newspapers #sleep #surrealism #dreams

A brick could be used as a measurement of time. Yes, just think how stylish you’ll look with a brick duct taped to your wrist!
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket #funny #humor #random #strange

A brick could be put on the end of a scale, to determine if the other end of the scale holds a lie or the truth. (Hint: The truth is much heavier than a brick.)
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny