#surreal

Love is a green sky on a blue pasture, and I am the flying cow eating it all up. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #love #surreal #age

I don’t think anybody’s ever written a song called, “There’s urine on the couch, and the remote control is in the shower.” I would write it myself, but I’ve never been very good at writing love ballads. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #love-ballad #shower #song #strange

Bricks could be used to make shoes out of. Just as brick houses are better than wooden houses, so too would brick shoes be better than wooden shoes. Just ask the Dutch. I’m sure they’d be lining up to buy my new line of brick running shoes. 
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

A blanket is a sanctuary, a place where a man can enjoy his banana in peace. I laid a few grapes on grandma’s headstone, and I remembered her as she was, when she first died. 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

A brick would make a great lead character in an urban drama, because with 12 edges, a brick would be the edgiest character on TV by two sides.
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

A brick is a good object to hide a house key under. No burglar will be able to get to your key, especially if you hide it under the first brick the mason’s lay when constructing your house. 
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

A brick could be substituted in for Rhode Island as a US state, because they’re roughly the same size, the have the same population (the brick may have one less person), and Grandma Kintz makes the best Excuse Soup in the entire state.
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

A brick could be used as a Disappointment Cube. Here, I’m giving mine to you, because you really bummed me out, man.
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

A brick could be licked, like a cat’s asshole. But obviously inversed, because your tongue is soft and the brick is rough.
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

A brick could be used to save humanity from mortality. Or at least save us from mortar. 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny