#surreal

I saw something scary. It was a boy, asking me what I’m doing naked in his father’s fridge. Dinner party’s over. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#dinner-party #dream #naked #scary #surreal

A blanket could be used to keep me single. Not that I need any help from anybody or anything to stay single. Actually, to stay single, I need the full cooperation of the entire female population, which is kind of impressive, because in conclusively and inclusively agreeing not to date me, it's like the first time in human history a collective has ever fully agreed on something. 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

Kick the blanket, don’t kick the bucket—especially if that bucket is full of death (or bricks).
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

On the night of the murder I was at home, asleep. The characters in my dream can vouch for me. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #murder #surreal #dreams

Love doesn’t spend its time watering your plants. But it might bubblegum swank monkey mouth with you—twice. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #love #surreal #age

yes, i have dated Salvador Dali guy when i was a high school girl. he was a great lover. but i had to dump him because he stole my inspiration of bent clock*~* .... who cares... ↗

— Hiroko Sakai

#artwork #bent-clock #funny #humorous #painting

A football could be swapped out for a brick, to make family reunion football games more fun. But I’m calling it right now: I get to be quarterback.
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

Sleep with family is a napkin (nap plus kin), and I used a napkin as a blanket.
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

Blood may be thicker than water, but it's certainly not as thick as ketchup. Nor does it go as well with French fries. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#bizarre #blood #crazy #culinary #food

A blanket could be used to say I’m sorry without using words, gestures, body language, facial expressions, or telepathy. I’ve always thought it was better to show than tell anyway, so I hope you can forgive me.
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny