#som

Seriously, Jack, I think you might be the only guy in this city who hasn’t read his stuff. Collin McCann is like the Carrie Bradshaw of Chicago men.” “You mean Terry Bradshaw,” Jack corrected. “No, Carrie,” Wilkins repeated. “You know, Sarah Jessica Parker. Sex and the City.” A silence fell over the room as Collin and Jack stared at Wilkins, seriously fearing for the fate of men. ↗

— Julie James

#fbi #funny #humor #julie-james #men

She looked like she believed in something, or wanted to, and I hoped to hell it wasn’t God, not in the way The Dad believes, because all that does is make him forced and desperate. No, it was something else, not just that I saw a pretty girl and just got all excited. I mean, yeah, that part is true, and she really was gorgeous, and the freckles covering her, the freckles on top of freckles all spread out and folding into one another made her skin look like it had grain and texture, like polished wood, like it would feel smooth to the touch, and so soft. I knew that. But it wasn’t how she looked. ↗

— Brad Barkley

#heather-hepler #humor #love #humor

My eyes are so close together that when I cross my eyes, my irises actually trade places. My skin is so craterous that Neil Armstrong annually rubs my face just to reminisce about his time on the moon. And my nose is so long that my penis is jealous. But enough about how handsome I am. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#jealous #jealousy #moon #neil-armstrong #ugly

There's always someone who cares. Someone whose life would simply stop. You just don't know it yet, or you haven't found them yet. ↗

— Fuyumi Soryo

#mars #someone #life

Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else. ↗

— Judy Garland

#else #first-rate #instead #second-rate #somebody

Fall in love.. that is fine, but just make sure you fall deep enough to stay there forever. ↗

— Ram Mohan

#eternal-love #falling #falling-in-love #forever #forever-love

One word I’d use to describe space is lonely. The only way I’ll board a space shuttle is if I had a babysitter with me. You know, to watch the baby I’ll make with her.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#baby #babysitter #describe #description #fornicate

I did love her, of course, but mostly because loving your mom is mandatory, not because she was someone I think I'd like very much if I met her walking down the street. ↗

— Ransom Riggs

#love

La besó en la mejillla lo más cerca posible de la boca, deseando con pasión permanecer a su lado eternamente para preservarla de las sombras. Olía a yerbas y tenía la piel fría. Supo que amarla era su destino inexorable. ↗

— Isabel Allende

#love

Ella se consideraba a sí misma como un cometa navegando en el viento y, asustada de su propio motín interior, cedía a veces a la tentación de pensar en alguien que pusiera freno a sus impulsos; pero esos estados de ánimo le duraban poco. Cuando meditaba en su futuro se tornaba melancólica, por eso prefería vivir desaforada mientras le fuera posible. ↗

— Isabel Allende

#love