#sleeping

I had a dream about you. We were fishing in the Utah desert. You caught a dinosaur, but due to Federal regulations, we had to release the bones so Ted Kennedy could drive back to the cemetery, drunk.
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— Jarod Kintz

#dreams #funny #humor #life #relationships

I had a dream about you last night. We were plug sockets in the bedroom. We saw only a short part of their day, but we knew everything of it. ↗

— Michael Summers

#dreams #funny #humor #life #relationships

I had a dream about you. We went for a ride—you on all fours, and me on your back, and you didn’t like it when I kept calling you “donkey face.” I was shocked, and I said, “You should be flattered that I think you look like Miley Cyrus.”
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— Jarod Kintz

#dreams #funny #humor #life #relationships

I had a dream about you. You looked like you, but you also looked like a mannequin. And I looked like me, but I also looked like a mannequin. Between the two of us, we were too fake even for Hollywood. And as such, we were forced to reside in Washington DC.
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— Dark Jar Tin Zoo

#dreams #funny #humor #life #relationships

I had a dream about you. We were in a canoe, and we were paddling across the desert. You said you were thirsty, and I pointed to the sand that surrounded us and said, “No, I will not urinate in your mouth.” At that point I woke up, because I realized I really had to pee—and get a drink of water.
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— Dora J. Arod

#dreams #funny #humor #life #relationships

I had a dream about you. You were Ginger Rogers, and you were trying to teach me to dance, even though my movements were as stiff as a mannequin. I think you tolerated my abysmal rhythm because I was naked, and my body was so sexy it could be used to sell clothes. 
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— Jarod Kintz

#dreams #funny #humor #life #relationships

No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed. I have known mothers who remake the bed after their children do it because there is wrinkle in the spread or the blanket is on crooked. This is sick. ↗

— Erma Bombeck

#because #bed #blanket #children #crooked

What I'm mostly good at is sleeping, he once told me in confidence, but he added, I don't see much future in it. ↗

— Brian Andreas

#sleeping #story-people #humor

We live in an era that sleeping with an individual is easier than loving. ↗

— M.F. Moonzajer

#loving #sleeping #love

I had a dream about you. You were old, and I was an infant, yet we looked identical. And probably because I knew you were going to die soon, I decided to kill you. I told myself it was the merciful thing to do, but secretly I knew the truth—I’d murdered you for your diapers. 
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— Dora J. Arod

#dreams #funny #humor #life #relationships