#sleeping

You can't look at a sleeping cat and be tense. ↗

— Jane Pauley

#look #sleeping #tense #you

The only thing that comes to a sleeping man is dreams. ↗

— Tupac Shakur

#dreams #man #only #sleeping #the only thing

When I found him lying in the ditch holding a shovel, I thought he was sleeping on the job. Turns out he was being even lazier, and he was in fact dead. 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#death #ditch #find #found #job

I had a dream about you last night. The champagne was non-alcoholic. You didn't notice, and laughed at my jokes anyway. ↗

— Michael Summers

#dreams #funny #humor #life #relationships

I had a dream about you last night. We watched pornography together, but purely for the storyline. ↗

— Michael Summers

#dreams #funny #humor #life #relationships

Dreaming permits each and everyone of us to be quietly insane every night of out lives. ↗

— William Dement

#dreams #insanity #sleeping #dreams

I had a dream about you. We went for a ride—you on all fours, and me on your back, and you didn’t like it when I kept calling you “donkey face.” I was shocked, and I said, “You should be flattered that I think you look like Miley Cyrus.”
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#dreams #funny #humor #life #relationships

I had a dream about you. You looked like you, but you also looked like a mannequin. And I looked like me, but I also looked like a mannequin. Between the two of us, we were too fake even for Hollywood. And as such, we were forced to reside in Washington DC.
 ↗

— Dark Jar Tin Zoo

#dreams #funny #humor #life #relationships

I had a dream about you. We were in a canoe, and we were paddling across the desert. You said you were thirsty, and I pointed to the sand that surrounded us and said, “No, I will not urinate in your mouth.” At that point I woke up, because I realized I really had to pee—and get a drink of water.
 ↗

— Dora J. Arod

#dreams #funny #humor #life #relationships

I had a dream about you. You were Ginger Rogers, and you were trying to teach me to dance, even though my movements were as stiff as a mannequin. I think you tolerated my abysmal rhythm because I was naked, and my body was so sexy it could be used to sell clothes. 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#dreams #funny #humor #life #relationships