#sleeping

I had a dream about you. You had no skin or muscle on your face, and to try to conceal your bare skull you liberally applied lipstick and makeup. Your birthday was coming up, and I knew you were probably sensitive about parties that emphasize the aging process, so I decided to box up your gift in a coffin and wrap it with black wrapping paper. I got you the best gift ever too—a hooker, who happened to be dead, because that enabled me to procure a sizeable discount.
 ↗

— Dora J. Arod

#dreams #funny #humor #life #relationships

There's something really great and romantic about being poor and sleeping on couches. ↗

— Ben Affleck

#about #being #couches #great #poor

I will continue to distribute blankets, sleeping bags, warm clothing and food on a regular basis, in the hope that my modest efforts will give some comfort to those people we are able help. ↗

— Mohamed Al-Fayed

#bags #basis #blankets #clothing #comfort

You know how most dogs lick you on the cheek? If you're sleeping and not ready for it, my dog, Joe, will get his tongue inside your mouth. It's by far the worst kiss I've ever had. ↗

— Will Estes

#dog #dogs #ever #far #get

I had a dream about you. I was a ventriloquist trying to share your fashion secrets, but you wouldn’t talk. So we put on a strip show for the department store sale, and I was arrested for theft – I took away your dignity as a mannequin. ↗

— Bauvard

#dreams #funny #humor #life #relationships

I had a dream about you. Are you surprised? You shouldn’t be. After all, it’s only fair I finally have a dream about you when you’ve been dreaming about me all these years. Oh please, don’t deny it. You couldn’t want my body more if I were a mannequin and you were a tailor making custom suits.
 ↗

— Dark Jar Tin Zoo

#dreams #funny #humor #life #relationships

I had a dream about you. Just as in real life, I was a man, and you were a mannequin. Well, in my dream you were a mannequin, but in real life you’re much less charismatic and talkative.
 ↗

— Dark Jar Tin Zoo

#dreams #funny #humor #life #relationships

I had a dream about you. You took control of my body and forced me to have sex with you. Then you called the cops, and the police said I raped you—but I was the one who was raped. If I had known you were that kind of person, I’d have never voted you into political office in the first place.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#dreams #funny #humor #life #relationships

I had a dream about you. We were in the distant future. We were in love. We were so old and decrepit and one by one our body parts had been replaced by mannequin parts. But I still loved you, even though you looked like you belonged in a department store. 
 ↗

— Dark Jar Tin Zoo

#dreams #funny #humor #life #relationships

Midwest kids got to summer camp. There is something very special about being away from your parents for the first time, sleeping under the stars, hiking and canoeing. ↗

— Jami Gertz

#away #being #camp #first #first time