#ship

Today, unless women gain jobs and athletic scholarships commensurate with their percentage of the population, feminists scream discrimination. ↗

— Marvin Olasky

#commensurate #discrimination #feminists #gain #jobs

I do not want a personal relationship with my fans. Or to do anything that encourages them to think they have one with me. They can have a personal relationship with my songs. That's fine, but they don't know me. ↗

— Will Oldham

#encourages #fans #fine #i #i do

I had a dream about you. You had just died, and I was debating putting your body into either a coffin or a shoebox. My decision was based solely on spatial concerns, so I chose the ashtray, because I thought it best to smoke your essence like a cigarette. 
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— Jarod Kintz

#dreams #funny #humor #life #relationships

I'm not the best audience for that because I'm not a great science-fiction fan. I just never got off on space ships and space costumes, things like that. ↗

— Gary Oldman

#because #best #costumes #fan #got

The conduct of President Bush's war of choice has been plagued with incompetent civilian leadership decisions that have cost many lives and rendered the war on and occupation of Iraq a strategic policy disaster for the United States. ↗

— John Olver

#bush #choice #civilian #conduct #cost

Even if you were to fall into extreme financial hardship and file for bankruptcy, you need to understand that your student loan debt will not be discharged in bankruptcy. It is the Velcro of all debts. ↗

— Suze Orman

#debt #debts #discharged #even #extreme

I had a dream about you. You were you, but you were many—a multitude of mannequins, each named Manny. And I was me, but I was Dark Jar Tin Zoo, and as such I made love to you—all of you. Then I woke up alone, naked, cuddling a mannequin I named after you who smells like you, because I spray it with the same fragrance you used to wear. Is that crazy? No, I didn’t think so either. 
 ↗

— Dora J. Arod

#dreams #funny #humor #life #relationships

I had a dream about you. We were traveling in your car. You were driving, and I was securely fastened by ropes and duct tape in the trunk. I tried telling you my family has no money, but you had to find out the hard way.
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— Jarod Kintz

#dreams #funny #humor #life #relationships

I had the closest thing I have ever had to an out-of-body experience lying in bed one morning. I turned on the 'Today' programme and item four on the news was: 'The shadow chancellor has ruled himself out of the leadership.' I lay there thinking that's interesting, then I realised it was me. ↗

— George Osborne

#chancellor #closest #closest thing #ever #experience

I had a dream about you. You were a lone candle on a barren vanilla cake, and I was the mighty breath sent to extinguish your light. I felt like God’s wrath coming down to destroy the Illuminati, while you probably thought I was the Satan coming to snuff out the light of the world. And the spectators who were gathered around the spectacle probably thought it was all one big party, as they stood still like mindless zombies singing “Happy Birthday.”
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— Jarod Kintz

#dreams #funny #humor #life #relationships