#satire

Uh, excuse me, sir, I, uh, don't known how to uh, to uh, tell you this, but you were three minutes late. The schedule is a little, uh, bit off." He grinned sheepishly. "That's ridiculous!" murmured the Ticktockman behind his mask. "Check your watch." And then he went into his office, going mrmee, mrmee, mrmee, mrmee. ↗

— Harlan Ellison

#science-fiction #science

The end of the human race will be that it will eventually die of civilization. ↗

— Ralph Waldo Emerson

#civilization

What a pessimist you are!" exclaimed Candide. "That is because I know what life is," said Martin. ↗

— Voltaire

#pessimism #satire #life

The birthing wolf, Her heart fed with tenderness, Gave forth from ripe brown nipples, Food to feed the universe. ↗

— Roman Payne

#hope-and-despair #payne #poem #roman #roman-payne

Her heart was broken perhaps, but it was a small inexpensive organ of local manufacture. In a wider and grander way she felt things had been simplified. ↗

— Evelyn Waugh

#observation #satire #love

[On School Uniforms] Don't these schools do enough damage making all these kids think alike, now they have to make them look alike too? It's not a new idea, either. I first saw it in old newsreels from the 1930s, but it was hard to understand because the narration was in German. ↗

— George Carlin

#history #humor #satire #school #uniform

Well, fame is a drug and when you take it away from an addict, things can get ugly. ↗

— Melissa Jo Peltier

#reality-tv #satire #television #humor

Bride, n. - A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her. ↗

— Ambrose Bierce

#happiness #humor #marriage #matrimony #satire

Were you terrified, Murgatroyd?" Murgatroyd nodded eagerly. "There you go, girl: You're a terrorist. You make me twitchy, and under Article Forty-One of the 2000 Terrorism Bill, that's all I need. Time for some reasonable force, I think. ↗

— China Miéville

#satire #humor

Though firm, we are never too firm, though we love fun, we never have fun in a silly way that makes us appear ridiculous, unless that is our intent. ↗

— George Saunders

#humor #satire #humor