#satire

I am fashionably unimpressed with the material world. I am moved by the beauty of aspiration, and I hope that I can elevate myself to the standards I have imposed on others. ↗

— Mike Corbett

#demons #heaven #hell #intelligent-humor #politics

I replied that England (the dear place of my nativity) was computed to produce three times the quantity of food, more than its inhabitants are able to consume, ... But, in order to feed the luxury and intemperance of the males, and the vanity of the females, we sent away the greatest part of our necessary things to other countries, from whence in return we brought the materials of diseases, folly, and vice, to spend among ourselves. Hence it follows of necessity that vast numbers of our people are compelled to seek their livelihood by begging, robbing, stealing, cheating, pimping, forswearing, flattering, suborning, forging, gaming, lying, fawning, hectoring, voting, scribbling, freethinking, ↗

— Jonathan Swift

#food

Eric, you need to look at the whole picture," the PM said. "You look at the jobless as a huge pile of scrap and you're looking for what can be recycled. That's good. That's your job. But what you don't realise is that this pile of scrap itself serves a purpose. I need my zeros, Eric. They put fear in people; fear of crime and terrorism. They are a stark reminder to the stakeholders that what they despise today, they may end up joining tomorrow. It keeps them obedient. Remember that! ↗

— Mark Cantrell

#government #satire #science-fiction #society #unemployment

Uh, excuse me, sir, I, uh, don't known how to uh, to uh, tell you this, but you were three minutes late. The schedule is a little, uh, bit off." He grinned sheepishly. "That's ridiculous!" murmured the Ticktockman behind his mask. "Check your watch." And then he went into his office, going mrmee, mrmee, mrmee, mrmee. ↗

— Harlan Ellison

#science-fiction #science

The end of the human race will be that it will eventually die of civilization. ↗

— Ralph Waldo Emerson

#civilization

What a pessimist you are!" exclaimed Candide. "That is because I know what life is," said Martin. ↗

— Voltaire

#pessimism #satire #life

The birthing wolf, Her heart fed with tenderness, Gave forth from ripe brown nipples, Food to feed the universe. ↗

— Roman Payne

#hope-and-despair #payne #poem #roman #roman-payne

Her heart was broken perhaps, but it was a small inexpensive organ of local manufacture. In a wider and grander way she felt things had been simplified. ↗

— Evelyn Waugh

#observation #satire #love

[On School Uniforms] Don't these schools do enough damage making all these kids think alike, now they have to make them look alike too? It's not a new idea, either. I first saw it in old newsreels from the 1930s, but it was hard to understand because the narration was in German. ↗

— George Carlin

#history #humor #satire #school #uniform

Well, fame is a drug and when you take it away from an addict, things can get ugly. ↗

— Melissa Jo Peltier

#reality-tv #satire #television #humor