#satire

I turned on Fox News and jumped when I saw that they had one of those things in their studio. "Are you people crazy?" I screamed at the television. "Get out of there. Somebody shoot it!" Then I realized I was watching Special Report and had mistaken Charles Krauthammer for a zombie. ↗

— Ian McClellan

#media #political #politics #satire #zombies

Nothing helps your partner keep his mind on Jesus more than having a sign of His love tanned on your primary erogenous zones. ↗

— Scott B. Pruden

#humorous-quotes #immaculate-deception #satire #science-fiction #science-fiction-comedy

Most men are not wicked... They are sleep-walkers, not evil evildoers. ↗

— Franz Kafka

#philosophical #satire #men

Boggle with sex addicts is up there with go-kart racing with junkies. ↗

— Russell Brand

#humor #inspirational #satire #humor

To think or not to think? That is the new question. ↗

— Nadina Boun

#humor #logic #reason #satire #thinking-for-change

The worst mistake a writer can make is to assume everyone has an imagination. ↗

— Andrew McEwan

#fast-food #humour #irony #laziness #misapprehension

The only grown-up other than Jacob who ever came into his schoolroom was Eli Willard. School was in session one day when the Connecticut itinerant reappeared after long absence, bringing Jacob's glass and other merchandise. Jacob seized him and presented him to the class. 'Boys and girls, this specimen here is a Peddler. You don't see them very often. They migrate, like the geese flying over. This one comes maybe once a year, like Christmas. But he ain't dependable, like Christmas. He's dependable like rainfall. A Peddler is a feller who has got things you ain't got, and he'll give 'em to ye, and then after you're glad you got 'em he'll tell ye how much cash money you owe him fer 'em. If you ain't got cash money, he'll give credit, and collect the next time he comes 'round, and meantime you work hard to git the money someway so's ye kin pay him off. Look at his eyes. Notice how they are kinder shiftly-like. Now, class, the first question is: why is this feller's eyes shiftly-like? ↗

— Donald Harington

#consumerism #credit #practical-education #satire #architecture

I'm not scared of death, I just don't want to seek it out. ↗

— Thomas James Higgins

#humor #irony #satire #death

Nobody could catch cold by the sea; nobody wanted appetite by the sea; nobody wanted spirits; nobody wanted strength. Sea air was healing, softening, relaxing -- fortifying and bracing -- seemingly just as was wanted -- sometimes one, sometimes the other. If the sea breeze failed, the seabath was the certain corrective; and where bathing disagreed, the sea air alone was evidently designed by nature for the cure. ↗

— Jane Austen

#literature #satire #design

I have been assured by a very knowing American of my acquaintance in London, that a young healthy child well nursed is at a year old a most delicious, nourishing, and wholesome food, whether stewed, roasted, baked, or boiled; and I make no doubt that it will equally serve in a fricassee or a ragout. ↗

— Jonathan Swift

#humor #satire #equality