#sarcasm

It's weird, marriage. It's like this license that gives a person the legal right to control their spouse / their 'other half. ↗

— Jess C. Scott

#control-freaks #control-issues #cynic #cynical #cynical-humor

You can give me detention. Oh, wait, that's right...you aren't the boss of me. So I guess you can just bite me. -Dean ↗

— Jeff Mariotte

#humor #sarcasm #science-fiction #humor

Does the Pope love Jesus? ↗

— Dana Marie Bell

#humor

It was stealing her breath, imbecile. Go get a towel." -Christophe, Strange Angels by Lili St. Crow ↗

— Lilith Saintcrow

#sarcasm #humor

Come on," Alec said, already stomping down the ramp. "Let's find us a squirrel." He swept the weapon back and forth as he walked, looking for any interlopers. "Or better yet, one of the crazies who might've strayed over here. Too bad these things have to be charged or we could get rid of this virus problem in a jiffy. Sweep these old neighborhoods nice and clean." Mark joined him on the ground below the Berg, wary that someone might be watching from the ruined homes surrounding them or from the burnt woods beyond those. "Your value of human life brings tears to my eyes," he muttered. ↗

— James Dashner

#humor

I'm fully aware that some of the stuff I write is going to offend people or p*ss them off. They should be fully aware that I don't really care. ↗

— Briana Blair

#humor #sarcasm #humor

When all else fails...try smoking a good cigar and have a stiff drink. If that doesn't work...have another. ↗

— Timothy Pina

#jack #sarcasm #humor

As if I'd had time to drug it in the two milliseconds she'd let me out of her sight. ↗

— Nenia Campbell

#humor #sarcasm #survival #humor

You know the difference between right and wrong,' he repeated finally. 'Man, why did you need Initiation—by the Golden Dawn, or by anybody else? You are a genius, a sage, a giant among men. You have solved the problem which philosophers have been debating since antiquity—the mystery about which no two nations or tribes have ever agreed, and no two men or women have ever agreed, and no intelligent person has ever agreed totally with himself from one day to the next. You know the difference between right and wrong. I am overawed. I swoon. I figuratively kiss your feet. ↗

— Robert Anton Wilson

#morality #relativism #sarcasm #intelligence

You like? she asked Slade. He gave her a head nod and she vanished behind the curtain. That's my sister, he said, pointing at the closed curtain. I shrugged. "I'm glad you guys are so close. ↗

— Holly Hood

#love #paranomral-romance #sarcasm #witty #life