#sarcasm

I don't understand German myself. I learned it at school, but forgot every word of it two years after I had left, and have felt much better ever since. ↗

— Jerome K. Jerome

#german #humor #sarcasm #men

Do dead people like music? I hope they listen to mine if they do, in their coffins, in the cold underworld, between the mind and the body in an insomniac wall of sleep. ↗

— Marc Broude

#musician #sarcasm #weird #music

Well, it just figures," Younger told him, like a man explaining his religion. ↗

— Richard Stark

#sarcasm #religion

Who the hell is that?! Some call her Satan. Others, Beelzebub. She goes by many names. ↗

— Susan Elizabeth Phillips

#romance #sarcasm #nature

Oh no, praying is great, without it the thumbscrews and the Iron Maiden probably never would have been invented. ↗

— Stephen King

#sarcasm #religion

I thought about suicide all the time, but it seemed toomuch effort, swallowing all those pills or jumping off things. If I'd lived out in the country I would have found a quiet stretch of railway track, and lain on it, fallen asleep, so that I would never have known when my last moment came. In London, the minimum tube fare had gone up so much that even to get near the line cost a fortune. Suicide seemed an extravagance I couldn't afford. People never leave you alone, either; I knew that if I'd tried to lie down on the line, any number of commuters would have pulled me off again, so that I didn't delay their train. There must have been murderers out there who wanted to kill, with no way of finding those who wanted to be dead. If there had been some way of contacting them, a date-with-death line, I would have called them to set up a meeting. The current ways of death seemed too haphazard; it was all left up to chance. Had Chance come up, tapped me on the shoulder, said "Oi, you - long black tunnel, white light, off you go," I wouldn't have complained. It was like having frostbite all over - feeling numb and in pain at the same time. ↗

— Helena Dela

#depression #numbness #sarcasm #suicide #dating

Festus just detected a large group of eagles behind us—long-range radar, still not in sight.” Piper leaned over the console. “Are you sure they’re Roman?” Leo rolled his eyes. “No, Pipes. It could be a random group of giant eagles flying in perfect formation. Of course they’re Roman! ↗

— Rick Riordan

#leo-valdez #percy-jackson-and-the-olympians #piper-mclean #sarcasm #the-heroes-of-olympus

While the Clave disapproves of trespassers, oddly they take an even darker view of beheading and skinning people. They're peculiar that way. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#humour #sarcasm #will-herondale #humour

Imitating someone is the mediocre way of getting humanity back to what we evolved from. ↗

— Shubham Choudhary

#sarcasm #satire #satire

Picture a place called the Karma Kafe and it'll save me the bother of describing it. There was nothing in it you wouldn't expect, from the Buddha flowerpots to the wallpaper decorated with symbols that probably said, "If you bought this just because it looked pretty, may Buddha piss in your coffee, you culturally ignorant moron. ↗

— Kelley Armstrong

#sarcasm #karma