#sarcasm

I am a story teller. If I wanted to send a message I would have written a sermon. ↗

— Philip Pullman

#writing #story

Don't stop there. I suppose there are also, what, vampires and werewolves and zombies?" "Of course there are. Although you mostly find zombies farther south, where the voudun priests are." "What about mummies? Do they only hang around Egypt?" "Don't be ridiculous. No one believes in mummies. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#jace-wayland #joke #mummies #sarcasm #vampire

A little girl robbed you?" Tessa said. "Actually, she wasn’t a little girl at all, as it turns out, but a midget in a dress with a penchant for violence, who goes by the name of Six-Fingered Nigel." "Easy mistake to make," Jem said. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#mistakes

Yes. Yes I am. I am a completely demented misogynist. ↗

— Bret Easton Ellis

#sarcasm

Niko was a man of few words and flying, sugary snacks. I like that in a human. ~Catcher ↗

— Rob Thurman

#sarcasm #science-fiction #twinkies #urban-fantasy #science

He'd been given an assignment to write about teen beauty pageants [...], which he'd accepted because he enjoyed blood sports as much as the next person. ↗

— David Baldacci

#ambition #beauty-pageants #ruthlessness #sarcasm #satire

What am I doing here? The Southern Star has vanished, a Cataclyst is calling the moon out of time at the mythical Great Barrier, and you're asking what I'm doing here? Are you serious? ↗

— Kami Garcia

#sarcasm #beauty

Well, how do we get out of this place?” Evyette’s voice shaking slightly. “We can’t.” If Kaleb felt any hopelessness he wasn’t conveying it. He looked around arduously, “Unless we find someone willing to help us.” “Oh well, that should not be a problem at all,” Tristan retorted throwing his hands up, “considering everything so far has tried to kill us! ↗

— B.C. Morin

#sarcasm #death

I don't know what it is about "magic happens"-stickers on cars but every time I see one I wanna get out my permanent marker and sneak over and write underneath it "so does cot death". ↗

— Tim Minchin

#grumpiness #humor #relativism #sarcasm #spirituality

What I really needed wasn't a dose of school spirit; it was a glass of water, an aspirin the size of my fist, and the answers to the history exam that I hadn't studied for the night before. "As long as I'm dreaming," I muttered, my words lost to the cacophony of the gym, "I'd also like a pony, a convertible, and a couple of friends." "That's a tall order." I'd known that there were people sitting next to me, but I couldn't begin to imagine how one of them had heard me. I hadn't even heard me. "Would you settle for a piece of gum, an orange Tic Tac, and an introduction the the school slut? ↗

— Jennifer Lynn Barnes

#new-friends #sarcasm #dreams