#sarcasm

Sam gave Captain Suicide a droll stare. "How did you die again? Oh wait, I know this. 'I can take 'em. I don't need to wait for reinforcements. I can do it myself.' How'd that work out for you again? ↗

— Sherrilyn Kenyon

#sarcasm #funny

You've read half the books in this house? This whole house?" "Well, approximately half." Sticky said. "To be more accurate, I suppose I've read more like" - his eyes went up as he calculated - "three sevenths? Yes, three sevenths." "Only three sevenths?" said Kate, pretending to look disappointed. "And here I was prepared to be impressed. ↗

— Trenton Lee Stewart

#funny #reading #sarcasm #funny

The clear problem of the outlawing of insult is that too many things can be interpreted as such. Criticism, ridicule, sarcasm, merely stating an alternative point of view to the orthodoxy, can be interpreted as insult. ↗

— Rowan Atkinson

#clear #criticism #insult #interpreted #many

Oh, you need Alan to betray Nick and then you'll steal Nick's powers and kill them both," said Mae. "Great idea. Hey, can i come? I'll bring a picnic lunch if you promise not to let blood get on the sandwiches. ↗

— Sarah Rees Brennan

#sarcasm #funny

Your name?"The movements of the man's mouth didn't quite match what he was saying, so seeing him speak was a bit like watching a badly dubbed film. "Alex Gardiner," Alex said. "Your real name?" "I just told you." "You lied. Your real name is Alex Rider." "Why ask if you think you know? ↗

— Anthony Horowitz

#conrad #fail #name #sarcasm #film

What was up with class today? It was watered-down porn. He practically had you and Patch on top of your lab table, horizontal, minus your clothes, doing the Big Deed. ↗

— Becca Fitzpatrick

#humour #sarcasm #today

Aww, did we masturbate through the tears last night? ↗

— Kresley Cole

#sarcasm #humor

Rest assured, you make perfectly good nonsense.  I understand you one-hundred-percent not at all. ↗

— Richelle E. Goodrich

#nonsense #richelle #richelle-goodrich #sarcasm #unclear

Abby wouldn't want you to suffer because of some jerk that kidnapped her. She would want you to go on your trip so that she would have fun torturing you for not being a puddle on the ground with a box of tissues and an empty gallon of ice cream by your side. Then afterwards to hit you for thinking she was seriously hoping you would be doing that. ↗

— Ottilie Weber

#humor #ice-cream #kidnapping #sarcasm #family

I stood for almost an hour in a line of shuffling, bitter - eyed late mailers (Christmas is such a carefree, low - pressure time - that's one of the things I love about it),... ↗

— Stephen King

#christmas #sarcasm #love