#run

I’m a lifeguard at a brewery. When someone falls in a vat, I jump in after them and start gulping. It makes me feel good after letting people drown. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #lifeguards #funny

If his drunkenness had legs, it would be Alexander the Great and conquer the known world. Then it would puke for a week into a solid gold toilet it stole from Zeus's guest room. ↗

— Richard Kadrey

#funny #funny

This is Simba," Nicole said, pointing to the lion. "Is he dangerous?" Asked Chase. "Not really. He mauled a trainer, but nothing much. ↗

— Roland Smith

#runners #storm #funny

I’m running a marathon. I won’t be jogging, walking, or sprinting, but I will be overseeing it. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #marathon #running #funny