#row

I once inscribed the word "Ennui" backwards on my forehead, and I was so bored that I stared at it in the mirror for hours. And at the end of that time, I felt like Sheryl Crow, and I looked like Aleister Crowley. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#bored #boredom #ennui #funny #mirror

They were exactly the same morons that laugh like hyenas in the movies at stuff that isn't funny. I swear to God, if I were a piano player or an actor or something and all those dopes thought I was terrific, I'd hate it. I wouldn't even want them to clap for me. People always clap for the wrong things. ↗

— J.D. Salinger

#morons #people #popularity #funny

Growing up, Renaldo and his father had a great relationship. At least until his father went and slept with someone else. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #growing-up #humor #relationship #funny

Frogs. We all want their long tongues and jumping power, but aspiring superheroes rarely consider the benefits of growing up as sperm. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #growing-up #humor #sperm #funny

Friend: a stranger in hard times. Friends: the street mob that robs you. ↗

— Bauvard

#friendship #funny #humor #strangers #friendship

Life is a race, and what matters most isn't when a person crosses the finish line, but how strong they've grown along the way. ↗

— Jen Stephens

#growth #life #race #strength #home

Overhead, the glass envelope of the Insomnia Balloon is malfunctioning. It blinks on and off at arrhythmic intervals, making the world go gray:black, gray:black. In the distance, a knot of twisted trees flashes like cerebral circuitry. ↗

— Karen Russell

#sleep-disorders #home

The end came as dusk fell on a gloomy winter day of cold rain. ↗

— Soheir Khashoggi

#heartbreak #sorrow #home

The creature was very young. He was alone in a dread universe. I crept on my knees and crouched beside him. It was a small fox pup from a den under the timbers who looked up at me. God knows what had become of his brothers and sisters. His parents must not have been home from hunting. He innocently selected what I think was a chicken bone from an untidy pile of splintered rubbish and shook it at me invitingly... the universe was swinging in some fantastic fashion around to present its face and the face was so small that the universe itself was laughing. It was not a time for human dignity. It was a time only for the careful observance of amenities written behind the stars. Gravely I arranged my forepaws while the puppy whimpered with ill-concealed excitement. I drew the breath of a fox's den into my nostrils. On impulse, I picked up clumsily a whiter bone and shook it in teeth that had not entirely forgotten their original purpose. Round and round we tumbled and for just one ecstatic moment I held the universe at bay by the simple expedient of sitting on my haunches before a fox den and tumbling about with a chicken bone. It is the gravest, most meaningful act I shall ever accomplish, but, as Thoreau once remarked of some peculiar errand of his own, there is no use reporting it to the Royal Society. ↗

— Loren Eiseley "The Star Thrower"

#loren-eiseley #the-star-thrower #home

I was hot so I gave myself a haircut. I then saw a bald man sweating, so I offered to tweeze his eyebrows. He accepted and was so grateful that he offered to trade mustaches with me. In remembrance of that special bonding moment, I still wear his mustache over my left nipple.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#bald #baldness #bond #bonding #eyebrows