#ron

I'm being ironic. Don't interrupt a man in the midst of being ironic, it's not polite. There! ↗

— Ray Bradbury

#irony #humor

Fate has a twisted sense of humor. ↗

— Amelia Atwater-Rhodes

#humor #ironic #humor

I have an iron deficiency. You can tell by how wrinkled my clothes are.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#clue #clues #humor #insight #insightful

Anyway, I'm in bed with her, with her bracelets. Her face is a blank, so I darken the lights. Off go her silky undergarments. The bracelets are all she has on. They glint slightly, a pleasant muffled clinking on the sheets. I have a hard-on. Which, halfway down the ladder, is what I noticed. Just great. Why now? Why didn't I get an erection when I needed one? And why was I getting so excited over two lousy bracelets? Especially under this slicker, with the world about to end. ↗

— Haruki Murakami

#humor #irony #humor

Environmentalists generally object to battery-powered devices and for good reason: batteries require mined minerals, employ manufacturing processes that leak toxins into local ecosystems and leave behind an even-worse trail of side effects upon disposal. Though when it comes to the largest mass-produced battery-powered gadget ever created—the electric car—environmentalists cannot jump from their seats fast enough to applaud it. ↗

— Ozzie Zehner

#environment #humor #politics #humor

They say a woman's loyalty only lasts as long as it takes her to hang up and dial again. ↗

— Kim Gatlin

#irony #loyalty #woman #humor

It sort of floated toward me,” said Ron, illustrating the movement with his free index finger, “right to my chest, and then — it just went straight through. It was here,” he touched a point close to his heart, “I could feel it, it was hot. And once it was inside me I knew what I was supposed to do, I knew it would take me where I needed to go. So I Disapparated and came out on the side of a hill. There was snow everywhere. . . . ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#death

We'd boil this whisky because we thought that would make it stronger. So we thought we were getting drunk, but in fact there'd be no alcohol left in it. ↗

— Neneh Cherry

#because #boil #drunk #fact #getting

We just lost our electricity. You want to tell me what’s so funny about that?” “It’s not exactly funny. It’s more of a good news/bad news situation.” “In that case, hit me with the good news first.” “They’re both sort of rolled up into one.” “Stop stalling.” “All right. Now don’t get mad, but . . .” Smothered laughter drifted toward him. “Cal . . . I’m naked. ↗

— Susan Elizabeth Phillips

#ironic #funny

Tessa had lain down beside him and slid her arm beneath his head, and put her head on his chest,listening to the ever-weakening beat of his heart. And in the shadows they'd whispered, reminding each other of the stories only they knew. Of the girl who had hit over the head with a water jug the boy who had come to rescue her, and how he had fallen in love with her in that instant. Of a ballroom and a balcony and the moon sailing like a ship untethered through the sky. Of the flutter of the wings of the clockwork Angel. Of holy water and blood. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#death #memories #tessa-gray #will-herondale #death