#rid

Man, Grandma, what big hair you have." "The better to style with, my dear. ↗

— Neal Shusterman

#fairy-tales #funny #hair #red-riding-hood #funny

What do you call a rifle with three barrels? A trifle. ↗

— Joseph Rosenbloom

#biggest-riddle-book-in-the-world #funniest #funny #humor #humorous

I am not african. Africa is in me, but I cannot return. I am not taina. Taino is in me, but there is no way back. I am european. Europe lives in me, but I have no home there. I am new. History made me. My first language is Spanglish. I was born at the crossroads and I am whole. ↗

— Aurora Levins Morales

#home

Hagrid, look what I’ve got for relatives!” Harry said furiously. “Look at the Dursleys!” “An excellent point,” said Professor Dumbledore. “My own brother, Aberforth, was prosecuted for practicing inappropriate charms on a goat. It was all over the papers, but did Aberforth hide? No, he did not! He held his head high and went about his business as usual! Of course, I’m not entirely sure he can read, so that may not have been bravery. . . . ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#dumbledore #dursley #family #hagrid #relatives

What happened to your tan?"--Fang "It was dirt." --Max ↗

— James Patterson

#maxride #humor

Max, you're the last of the hybrids who still has...a soul.' ... 'She doesn't have soul,' Gazzy scoffed. 'Have you ever seen her dance? ↗

— James Patterson

#maximum-ride #humor

You looove me. (holds out arms) You love me this much. ↗

— James Patterson

#humor #love #love-struck #max #maxride

I told her I'd wait forever for her, but that was before I found somebody else who'd give me a ride home. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #home #humor #impatience #impatient

So the first thing we're gonna do," I told him, "is push you off the roof. ↗

— James Patterson

#maxride #humor

You mean other than the wings? I once ate nine snicker bars in a row without barfing. It was a record. ↗

— James Patterson

#maximum-ride #nudge #humor