#rca

Great,' I said. 'Visit exotic Australia. Get bitten by an exotic snake. Die exotically. ↗

— Steven Gould

#sarcasm #humor

Or, I could just sit in the bushes and pump the hand pump until the plumbing was superpressurized to 110 psi. This way, when someone goes to flush a toilet, the toilet tank will explode. At 150 psi, if someone turns on the shower, the water pressure will blow off the shower head, strip the threads, blam, the shower head turns into a mortar shell. Tyler only says this to make me feel better. The truth is I like my boss. Besides, I'm enlightened now. You know, only Buddha-style behavior. ↗

— Chuck Palahniuk

#humor

I hope you're not smoking in front of her,' Lucia says to him. 'Yeah, I lie in bed and puff in her face, Lucia,' he says, irritated. ↗

— Melina Marchetta

#sarcasm #humor

The cleanest civilization I’ve ever seen…and the number one thing you pack for a wedding is a jar of dirt? ↗

— M.A. George

#paranormal-romance #sarcastic-humor #wedding-traditions #humor

How does knowing 'things could be worse' than what I already deem is awful make me feel any better? You mean I could sink even lower? Oh joy! ↗

— Richelle E. Goodrich

#pessimism #richelle #richelle-goodrich #sarcasm #sarcasm-humor

My body is a cage that keeps me from dancing with the one I love, but my mind holds the key. ↗

— Arcade Fire

#body #cage #key #my-body-is-a-cage #love

Knock him out, Paris!” “Sure. Want me to spew diamonds from my ass while I’m at it? ↗

— Gena Showalter

#paris

You know, Gilan, sarcasm isn't the lowest form of wit. It's not even wit at all." -Halt ↗

— John Flanagan

#sarcasm #wit

We were in such good moods, we even decided to hit Todd's house for candy. Sam rang the doorbell, and when it opened, this hideous, rubber monster face roared at us. Sam screamed. Todd started laughing and took off the mask. I yelled, "Put it back on! Put it back on! Your hideousness is terrifying!" Todd did a fake yuk-yuk-yuk at my joke. "What are you guys supposed to be? Is it Prom Night Massacre or something?" Sam sighed at Todd's obvious stupidity. "We're zombie princesses, Todd. Can't you tell?" She stuck her arms straight out in front of her and said, "BRAINS! BRAINS!" I patted Sam on the head and said, "Sorry, Sam. You're wasting your time with this one. ↗

— Kristin Walker

#humor #sarcasm #humor

Discord says it's a good idea. That's comforting. ↗

— Melissa Marr

#donia #sarcasm #love