#rca

Thomas was an annoying wiseass who tended to make everyone he met want to kill him, and when I have that much in common with someone, I can't help but like him a little. ↗

— Jim Butcher

#harry-dresden #sarcasm #friendship

Forgive me, Your Grace. Are you suggesting a woman is some sort of … piece of fruit to you? One squeeze, and you know if she’s ripe? ↗

— Tessa Dare

#sarcasm #forgiveness

Jaime, dear, forgive me, but I don't think you are man enough to take care of my Cass. She's a special kind of difficult. ↗

— Mercy Celeste

#romance #sarcastic-humor #forgiveness

Awww," Minho said. "That's almost as sweet as that time she slammed the end of a spear into your shuck face. ↗

— James Dashner

#sarcasm #death

If then, Moses so distinctly announces that there is in us not only a faculty, but also a facility for keeping all commandments, why are we sweating so much? ... What need is there now of Christ or of Spirit? We have found a passage that asserts freedom of choice, but also distinctly teaches that the keeping of the commandments is easy. ↗

— Martin Luther

#freedom

We both want you dead. I'm bringing the friendship bracelets to the next meeting. ↗

— Nenia Campbell

#humor #insults #sarcasm #friendship

Who cares even if I didn't?!" Conor shouted back. "They're just stupid berries. Woo-hoo, so scary. Oh, please, please, save me from the berries!" The monster looked at him quizzically. How strange, it said. The words you say tell me you are scared of the berries, but your actions seems to suggest otherwise. ↗

— Patrick Ness

#funny #humor #monster #sarcasm #funny

Are you suggesting I’m working with the zombies? That I paid them to pretend to attack me so that I’d trick you into letting me join you?”“Did you?” Mr. Holland demanded.“Yeah, okay,” I said in a sugar-sweet tone. “You’re right. I was having dinner with Zombie Carl the other night. You know, steaks, rare, and a bottle of vintage type A. He told me all his secrets, but too bad for you I promised him I wouldn’t tell. In exchange I asked him to gather his best undead buddies and stalk me through my friend’s yard. And oh, yeah, it was totally fine if they wanted to use me as an all-night dinner buffet, because having organs is so last season. ↗

— Gena Showalter

#paranormal-romance #sarcasm #zombie #funny

But you have said it too often, Mr. Benedict!" said Mrs. Perumal in an imperious tone that was quite out of character. "And if you continue in this vein, I'm afraid we'll be compelled to cut our visit short. Surely there are other establishments that would host an entire troup of guests - indefinitely and without reward - and not feel obliged to apologize for it! ↗

— Trenton Lee Stewart

#guests #host #sarcasm #visitors #funny

It would be the last thing he did if he beat my dog. ↗

— Holly Hood

#irony #sarcasm #funny