#range

He had a new girl, and I told him she looked like Marilyn Monroe. He smiled because he thought I meant she was beautiful, and I smiled because I meant she looked like a corpse.
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— Jarod Kintz

#beautiful #beauty #bizarre #corpse #dating

I've had a very strange life. Whenever I've married, I've married for life. But things have gone desperately wrong. ↗

— Dinah Sheridan

#gone #had #i #life #married

To me, beer tastes like piss. Maybe that's why I only enjoy it in the shower with my uncle. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #gross #odd #piss #strange

A blanket is a shield, blocking out the breeze, and an insulator, keeping in body heat.
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

A blanket could be used to fill in the blank.
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

A blanket could be used as a cover of your favorite song by your favorite cover band.
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

Let my hand be a blanket for my penis.
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

A blanket provides warmth. So does the joy a good joke brings.
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

My white duvet is like an avalanche of blanket.
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

A brick could be used to tell time. And just between you and me, I hope that brick tells time to go to hell.
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny