#random

Haha, I can't hit you. If I did, I'd feel sorry for the person who'd have to clean up the mess of your splattered brain. ↗

— Kyousuke Motomi

#humor #funny

All of my best friends are dead people. Someday I've got to figure out how that happened. ↗

— Claudia Gray

#friends #funny #random #vic #funny

the answer to every problem involved penguins ↗

— Rick Riordan

#penguins #funny

At the very leadt, we can grab Monica and hustle her skanky ass back to her dad wile you brave, strong menfolk hold off the bad guys. Right? ↗

— Rachel Caine

#humor #random #funny

Somebody left a pair of baby shoes on a bench. I would have taken them home, if only they weren’t too big for my feet.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#baby-shoes #bench #bizarre #feet #funny

Bricks could be used to stock vending machines. You may be out of a home, but I’ll never be out of bricks to sell you.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

I have a friend who got into a car accident and now has a prosthetic metal leg, metal pins in his hips, and a metal plate in his head. One time I told him that he was like a human Swiss Army knife, to which he replied, “I’m Belgian. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#car-accident #funny #humor #random #swiss

Hand me my pants, ↗

— Michael Grant

#random #humor

I wasn't exactly sure what "nothing good" meant, but I could imagine in this world of humans, "nothing good" could mean a lot of bad things. ↗

— Tamra Torero

#funny

O! many a shaft, at random sent, Finds mark the archer little meant! And many a word, at random spoken, May soothe or wound a heart that's broken! ↗

— Walter Scott

#broken #finds #heart #little #many