#random

Ladies and Gentlemen, take my advice, pull down your pants and slide on the ice. ↗

— Diane Arbus

#random #weird #funny

Martin was dafter than a syphilitic polecat - where do I get these metaphors from? ↗

— Stieg Larsson

#funny

I do know you're nothing like him. But you're still....still a lot. A lot to handle. I don't mean your junk, obviously, as we've not gotten to the fondling-bits stage yet. And I can't believe I just talked about your junk. ↗

— Nicole Peeler

#funny-and-random #jane-true #funny

A blanket, coupled with an impressive erection, could serve as a suitable replacement for a lost tent at next year’s “Bring your son to work night” at NAMBLA’s manufacturing plant. What does NAMBLA make? NAMBLA makes me sick.
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket #funny #humor #random #strange

You know your all fucks! why am i so dichable? now how am i supposed to kill you with out upseting that poor nice women!? God damnit alice i liked you why did you have to be such a bitch ↗

— Carrie Vaughn

#funny

I'm happy for the kid and everything, but how the fuck does Lio get a friend before me? I live here. 'I told you I could do it :)' Lio IMs me. I want to rip out that smiley's eyes. ↗

— Hannah Moskowitz

#funny

As my grandfather once famously shouted, in a drunken stupor, “You can’t have fish tacos if you still have the hook in your mouth!” And while I have no idea what he meant, or how it’s relevant, I tell that story to any indigenous Mexican I meet who doesn’t speak English. Interestingly, they offer the wisest response possible: they simply nod and smile. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#random #funny

I called the police to report my missing mustache, but they didn’t take me seriously. I’ll bet if I had a mustache, they’d take me seriously. #catch22
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— Jarod Kintz

#cops #funny #humor #mustache #police

Peace cannot be achieved; they have to be plucked out of their pod. ↗

— A.G. Phillips

#funny #humor #peace #peas #quote

A brick could be used as a doorstop. But that’s obvious. What isn’t obvious is why somebody would want to stop a door, since doors represent openness. What is that person hiding behind that door that they want to stop people from opening it up? I don’t know, but it’s got to be diabolical, and if anything is to be stopped, it’s not the door—it’s the evil plan by the Door Master to take over the world.
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny