#random

I like to do chill things on dates. I think it would be fun to go to the zoo. I know it's really weird and random, but I love animals. It'd be like a day of doing silly things, while enjoying nature. ↗

— Ashlee Simpson

#dates #day #doing #enjoying #fun

[The sound of the wind] was just more proof that the workings of the world were random, that beauty, like suffering, was meaningless, that human life was as pointless as waves on sand. ↗

— Anita Diamant

#beauty #day-after-night #meaninglessness-of-life #random-chance #randomness

He crouched at the care window and looked in. "What a lovely family you have. What a charming family. They're all lovely. Except for that one." His finger jabbed the glass. "That one's a bit ugly." The American stepped towards him. "What? What did you say?" "Oh, don't worry. I'm sure his personality makes up for his face. ↗

— Derek Landy

#humor #humorous #insults #random #what-the-hell

And they all lived happily ever after (barring death, divorce, arrest for tax fraud, that incident with the pool boy...) ↗

— Sarah Rees Brennan

#death

I may not agree with a word that you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it. ↗

— Voltaire

#textbook #death

Now you got us whammied with the curse of squirmy death. ↗

— Richard Laymon

#humor #random #death

We all must die, but only I put the “must” in mustard. Sadly, the only man alive who understands what I mean is dead. RIP Mitch Ketchup. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#death #funny #random #death

I miss Agatha like green misses yellow and blue. She made me who I am. If not for her I’d probably be burnt orange right now. If orange is the color of fire, what is burnt orange? Is that like burning fire? How do you burn something that is itself fire? That’s like asking how do you kill death? ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#random #death

A brick could be used to keep you three inches away from death.
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

A brick is what the aliens gave me to communicate with them. It’s easy to operate. Just go to a party, or any crowded location, place the brick on your head, and stand perfectly still until they open up lines of communication. If you talk to Egbok Wangor, tell him I want the twenty bucks he owes me—and I’ll even give you a twenty percent collector’s fee.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny