#rand

My grandpa died yesterday. I ought to know, because I shot him. So come, join me in the fight against patricide by killing your father’s father.
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— Jarod Kintz

#family #fight #grandpa #murder #patricide

He crouched at the care window and looked in. "What a lovely family you have. What a charming family. They're all lovely. Except for that one." His finger jabbed the glass. "That one's a bit ugly." The American stepped towards him. "What? What did you say?" "Oh, don't worry. I'm sure his personality makes up for his face. ↗

— Derek Landy

#humor #humorous #insults #random #what-the-hell

And they all lived happily ever after (barring death, divorce, arrest for tax fraud, that incident with the pool boy...) ↗

— Sarah Rees Brennan

#death

I may not agree with a word that you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it. ↗

— Voltaire

#textbook #death

Peabody, you never cease to amaze me." "One day I'll tell you about my granny and her five lovers." "Five lovers isn't abnormal for a woman's lifetime." "Not in her lifetime; last month. All at the same time." Peabody glanced up, deadpan. "She's ninety-eight. I hope to take after her. ↗

— J.D. Robb

#grandmother #lovers #death

And like that, I said goodbye to my grandmother like we were two people who met in a coffee shop, shared a lifetime of stories and left wanting more, but knowing we’d meet there again. ↗

— Darnell Lamont Walker

#family #grandmother #sorrow #death

The day she was born,her grandfather made her a ring of silver and a polished stone, because he loved her already. ↗

— Aliki

#death #grandparent #grief #love #death

Now you got us whammied with the curse of squirmy death. ↗

— Richard Laymon

#humor #random #death

We all must die, but only I put the “must” in mustard. Sadly, the only man alive who understands what I mean is dead. RIP Mitch Ketchup. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#death #funny #random #death

I miss Agatha like green misses yellow and blue. She made me who I am. If not for her I’d probably be burnt orange right now. If orange is the color of fire, what is burnt orange? Is that like burning fire? How do you burn something that is itself fire? That’s like asking how do you kill death? ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#random #death