#rand

A brick and a blanket aptly describe my former roommate. He was as dumb as a brick, and only highly functional on a bed. Or so I heard—not that I’d know from personal experience.
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

She loves you, and you need me but there's somethings we can't share. ↗

— Miranda Lambert

#love

Ew, sicko. I was practicing Edomic." "Sure you were," Jason said. "You're just too embarrassed to admit you were playing hide-and-seek all alone. Rachel hiding, nobody seeking. ↗

— Brandon Mull

#brandon #humor #jason #mull #rachel

The day my child tries a celery is the most stressful day of my life. ↗

— Ariana Grande

#funny #humor #laugh #funny

Only a man of integrity can possess the virtue of honesty, since only the faking of one’s consciousness can permit the faking of existence. ↗

— Ayn Rand

#rand #virtue #integrity

Cecil reached for Dave, but Dave stepped back. "Dave, why are you doing this? You're not getting paid. Lovejoy called you off the case. You want the truth? You're compulsive. You can't leave it alone. You're like Adam Streeter, you know that? You live for danger." "I live for justice," Dave said. "Justice is a dream," Cecil scoffed, "a romantic ideal. Who the fuck gets justice in this life?(...) ↗

— Joseph Hansen

#lgbt #mystery #dreams

...did we meet in a previous life and it just slipped my mind?...The reason I'm asking is, you've got your hand practically down my bra cup, and that's usually reserved for men I've known longer than six minutes. ↗

— Brandy Alexander - Shelly Fredman

#no-such-thing-as #life

Grandpa had a good life, up until the day we slaughtered him and ate him. Honestly, he raised chickens, so he should have seen it coming.
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— Jarod Kintz

#bizarre #food #funny #grandpa #humor

A brick could be an object to measure your life against. Are you square, rigid, and inflexible? If yes, are you in the military? If no, why are you acting like a brick?
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

Vimes took the view that life was so full of things happening erratically in all directions that the chances of any of them making some kind of relevant sense were remote in the extreme. Colon, being by nature more optimistic and by intellect a good deal slower, was still at the Clues are Important stage. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#meaning #randomness #life