#rand

Claire was going to hate me. Our son was sucked into the pits of hell while I was watching General Hospital. God damn you Brenda and Sonny for making me lose focus. ↗

— Tara Sivec

#general-hospital #gh #funny

Who is your favorite character in the series? Or...if that's too hard, why do you like each one and who drives you crazy? Puck: Well, she likes me best, of course. I'm the handsome, charming one. Ash: Yes, that's why she gave you your own book. Oh, wait. Puck: No one asked you, ice-boy. ↗

— Julie Kagawa

#funny

I have alchemised my love for Agatha, and turned it into gold, which is the embodiment of Orafoura. I am the Elixir of Love--hot, cold, dry, and moist, I am the quintessential element: Jell-O. Agatha makes me yummy like John Wayne rides horse radish. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#love #random #funny

I should have known the power-hungry slave drivers at River's Edge would see my five days of freedom only as a challenge to be filled. ↗

— Cate Tiernan

#freedom

Ladies and Gentlemen, take my advice, pull down your pants and slide on the ice. ↗

— Diane Arbus

#random #weird #funny

Martin was dafter than a syphilitic polecat - where do I get these metaphors from? ↗

— Stieg Larsson

#funny

I do know you're nothing like him. But you're still....still a lot. A lot to handle. I don't mean your junk, obviously, as we've not gotten to the fondling-bits stage yet. And I can't believe I just talked about your junk. ↗

— Nicole Peeler

#funny-and-random #jane-true #funny

A blanket, coupled with an impressive erection, could serve as a suitable replacement for a lost tent at next year’s “Bring your son to work night” at NAMBLA’s manufacturing plant. What does NAMBLA make? NAMBLA makes me sick.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket #funny #humor #random #strange

You know your all fucks! why am i so dichable? now how am i supposed to kill you with out upseting that poor nice women!? God damnit alice i liked you why did you have to be such a bitch ↗

— Carrie Vaughn

#funny

I'm happy for the kid and everything, but how the fuck does Lio get a friend before me? I live here. 'I told you I could do it :)' Lio IMs me. I want to rip out that smiley's eyes. ↗

— Hannah Moskowitz

#funny