#ra

Shit," Delia said. "I mean, shoot. No, actually, I mean shit. I really do. ↗

— Sarah Dessen

#sarah-dessen #funny

John flung himself into a pseudo-karate stance, one hand poised behind him and one in front, posed like a cartoon cactus. I thought for an odd moment he had moved his limbs so fast they had made that whoosh sound through air but then I realized John was making that sound with his mouth. ↗

— David Wong

#john #karate #whoosh #funny

There are all sorts of books offering advice on how to deal with life-threatening situations, but where's the advice on dealing with embarrassing ones? ↗

— Ellen DeGeneres

#embarrassing #funny #funny

A blanket can be a statement—a generalization and truism covering a multitude of categories, like corruption, ineptitude, ignorance, arrogance, greed, and sloth—which would all fall under the blanket of “Politics.”
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket #funny #humor #random #strange

A blanket and a brick could be put in a ring and paid to fight. Compared to MMA, it would be boring. But compared to boxing, it would be downright thrilling. 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket #funny #humor #random #strange

A brick could be affixed to each end of an axle, for an example of transportation in a pre-wheel society. 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket #funny #humor #random #strange

A brick is to a blanket, as the moon is to Sun Tzu. Fear my fearlessness!
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket #funny #humor #random #strange

It's for upset stomachs," Dylan siad, trying to hide a smile. "It's to reduce gas in your digestive system, not to create gas to make explosions." Gazzy's face fell as Iggy said,"Really? Gazzy, take it! Take the whole thing!" "I second that emotion!" said Total. ↗

— James Patterson

#funny

I'm a big believer in putting things off, In fact, I even put off procrastinating. -Ella Varner ↗

— Lisa Kleypas

#humor #jack-travis #procrastination #humor

Another werewolf thing. Like most animals, we spent a large part of our lives engaged in the three Fs of basic survival. Feeding, fighting and... reproduction. ↗

— Kelley Armstrong

#humor #werewolves #humor