#quotation

Smoking will probably kill me, but so will natural selection. ↗

— Carroll Bryant

#humorous-philosophy #humorous-quotations #humor

Oh, adorable, delicious Amelie. If I weren't so completely straight and enamored with cock, I would devour this sweet little tart. ↗

— Ella Dominguez

#humorous-quotations #humor

and (b) Kissing someone so that you can get a free trip is perilously close to full-on hooking ↗

— John Green

#humor

Then I yelled through his door, "It's an anniversary gift for you, asshole. Two whole weeks early. FIFTEEN YEARS IS BIG METAL CHICKENS. ↗

— Jenny Lawson

#humor

If you want to be a good saddler, saddle the worst horse; for if you can tame one, you can tame all. ↗

— Socrates

#saddler #socrates #tame #horses

This dudes nuttier than squirrel shit." -Ty Henderson ↗

— Madeleine Urban

#humorous-quotations #shit #squirrel #funny

Chomsky is a pencil-and-paper theoretician who wouldn't know Jabba the Hutt from the Cookie Monster, ↗

— Steven Pinker

#humor #humorous-quotations #funny

I'll be fine. Maybe I should make up a magic milk bath with the Golden Fruit, huh?" I laughed. Kishan considered and grinned. "A giant bowlful of milk with you in the middle might be a little too much for us cats to resist. ↗

— Colleen Houck

#kishan #milk #humor

Some people make things happen. Some people watch things happen. And then there are those who wonder, 'What the hell just happened? ↗

— Carroll Bryant

#humorous-philosophy #humorous-quotations #humor

Wow,” says Peter, “when your guidance counselor tells you to die, you really have problems. ↗

— Adam Selzer

#humorous #humorous-quotations #humor