#quota

The truckers are staring," I said after a few seconds. It was true. They were. The whole row of them was doing a bad job of pretending not to look at us. "We just got engaged," Lucy shouted over to them. "I just asked this man to be my wife." The men at the counter traded confused looks. I burst out laughing. "We're glad you and your ass cracks could share this moment with us," she went on. "Seriously. We really are. Those are serious cracks and this is a serious moment. ↗

— Nick Burd

#humor

Eventually my dad got home from work and set his briefcase down. 'So. How was practice?' he asked 'It was good. Why? Did you hear it wasn't?' I said, trying to keep my cool. 'Son, no offense, but you play Little League. It's not the Yankees. I don't get daily reports about who's hitting the shit out of the ball ↗

— Justin Halpern

#keeping-your-cool #humor

I believe it was Gayelord Hauser, the nutritionist, who said, 'You are what you eat,' but if you happen to be an intellectual, you are what you quote. ↗

— Joseph Epstein

#humor #quotatious #humor

For the love of mercy, I cannot walk into mediation with a swollen vagina, Cash. Please.” I smile against her thigh, rubbing my scratchy face against the softness of her skin. “Is that what I’m doing?” Innocence—fuck no. I can’t even fake that shit. ↗

— Pella Grace

#romance #love

Do not be concerned with how others treat you. Be only concerned with how you treat others. ↗

— Julia Heywood

#philosophical-quotations #spiritual-quotes #spiritual-wisdom #inspirational

Quotations in my work are like wayside robbers who leap out armed and relieve the stroller of his conviction. ↗

— Walter Benjamin

#conviction #his #leap #like #out

if everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane(T-Shirt) ↗

— Darynda Jones

#humor

A book that furnishes no quotations is no book - it is a plaything. ↗

— Thomas Love Peacock

#furnishes #plaything #quotations

Oh, drat the men! No matter what they do, it's the wrong thing. And no matter who they are, it's somebody they shouldn't be. They do exasperate me. "Anne's House of Dreams ↗

— L.M. Montgomery

#dreams

Intelligence is being intelligent enough to know you're not so intelligent as you intelligently once thought. ↗

— Carroll Bryant

#humorous-quotations #philosophical #humor