#puns

It occurred to the man that the biggest problem with this staid world was the overwhelming demand for conformity. Everything was so eerily definitive: assent to the mandates of society would see you on the rise, but dissent was a steady downward path. ↗

— Django Wylie

#life #life-lessons #puns #wordplay #life

Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted. ↗

— Fred Allen

#good #hanging #makes #man #puns

Cucumbers are technically a fruit and in the same family as pumpkins, melons and squash, so it may benefit those markets, although, to be honest, giant melons don't strike me as potentially that commercial. ↗

— Jasper Fforde

#puns #family

Over the years, I have been subjected to many indignities, all for the sake of Art. If I ever catch him, I'm going to kill the guy. ↗

— Bob Hope

#film #hollywood #humour #puns #art

Do they always flirt with biblical quotes?" Asil asked Tad. In long-suffering tones, Tad said, "They can flirt with the periodic table or a restaurant menu. We've learned to live with it. Get a room you guys. ↗

— Patricia Briggs

#love #puns #humor

Wit and puns aren't just decor in the mind; they're essential signs that the mind knows it's on, recognizes its own software, can spot the bugs in its own program. ↗

— Adam Gopnik

#humor #mind #puns #self-awareness #speaking

Coincidences are spiritual puns. ↗

— Gilbert K. Chesterton

#puns #spiritual

How many of us are there?” he demanded in a less than amused tone. “Legions, surely, don’t you think it must be so?” “How can you joke about even this?” he asked, anger evident in his voice. A rarity that he expressed it, or any other emotion, for that matter. Of course, that didn’t mean the emotions weren’t there, and I’d experienced every one he’d refused to show. “Don’t knock what you haven’t tried, Michel. Trust me when I say my regular routine of self-amusement is a much better prophylactic against insanity than your grueling regimen of nightly self-flogging. ↗

— Krisi Keley

#puns #anger

If you invited a hedge wizard to a party, he would spend half the evening talking to your potted plant. And he would spend the other half listening. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#humor #puns #equality

Yeah 'ear 'ear," said George, with half a glance at Fred, the corner of whose mouth twitched. ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#harry-potter #puns #death