#poop

I was still a newlywed and certainly wasn't to the point where I felt comfortable yelling, "I'm going to shit my pants any second!" But the sweating had started, which was followed by the tears. "I'm not feeling well, and need to get home," I told him. "Ok, but I have to obey the speed limit because of all the kids in the neighborhood," he replied. I was pleading with him to hurry up when he came to a complete stop. I screamed at him, "Why are we stopping?" He rolled down the window. "Retreat." I could see the flag lowering in the distance, the beautiful orange sun setting behind it. In the opposite direction I could see the roof line of our home - so close, yet so far away. As Retreat played, I surrendered. I pooped my pants. I took one for the flag. Now that's patriotism. ↗

— Mollie Gross

#ibs #military #patriotism #poop #beauty

the more you stared up crap the more it's going to smell (/) ↗

— Mary Sumner

#drama #gossip #poop-in-toilets #trouble #gossip

Sometimes people swallow things out of devotion or fidelity to a cause, as in the case of strategists and spies who make their way through enemy lines and then poop their war secrets at the foot of Napoleon. ↗

— Mary Cappello

#inspirational

I possess an object that reminds me of your stepdad’s bowel movements. It’s brown and squishy and smells like yesterday.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#crap #family #feces #funny #humor