#plum

I don't need shoes. I need a night scope. You think they sell night scopes someplace here? ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#mystery #stephanie-plum #funny

My grandmother is a little Cuban woman who cooks all day and speaks Spanish. Your grandmother watches pay-per-view porn." "She used to watch the Weather Channel, but she said there wasn't enough action." -Ranger and Stephanie ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#janet-evanovich #ranger #stephanie-plum #funny

I didn't understand how. But the toilets had responded to me. I had become one with the plumbing... ↗

— Rick Riordan

#percy-jackson #plumbing #humor

I don't believe this," Morelli yelled. "I don't fucking believe this. What do you do, sit in bed at night and think about ways to fuck up my life? ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#stephanie-plum #life

From the look on your face, I'd say you know him." I nodded. "Sold him a cannoli when I was in high school." Connie grunted. "Honey, half of all the women in New Jersey have sold him their cannoli ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#money

My professional aspirations were simple - I wanted to be an intergalactic princess. ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#aspiration

Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday. ↗

— Woody Allen

#god #only #plumber #sunday #try

I wanted to be a plumber. ↗

— Robert Goulet

#plumber #wanted

I never planned on being a plumber. ↗

— Scott Caan

#i #never #planned #plumber

My singing voice is somewhere between a drunken apology and a plumbing problem. ↗

— Colin Firth

#between #drunken #plumbing #problem #singing