#per

Are you going to answer my questions, or do I have to whack you with a stick until delicious candy surprises fall out? ↗

— Molly Harper

#jane-jameson #molly-harper #nice-girls-don-t-have-fangs #pinata #questions

Leaving knots untied and scattering seeds to distract them will only work on vampires with OCD. ↗

— Molly Harper

#jane-jameson #molly-harper #nice-girls-don-t-have-fangs #ocd #funny

My facial hair is imperative. I put the must in mustache.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #imperative #mustache #funny

It’s complicated,” I said in defense, hands going up to show surrender. “Talk slowly,” Jenna retorted derisively. “Okay, I deserved that,” I admitted. ↗

— Laura Kreitzer

#fantasy #fiction #funny #humor #jenna-moretti

Sorry I'm late," Ms. Egami said to the class. She dropped her papers, which scattered in that special way papers do when one is running late. ↗

— Adam Rex

#late #papers #school #teacher #funny

Manfred,” I began, exasperated, “I just don’t know what to do with you.” “I have some very good ideas,” he said. He waggled his eyebrows. He was making it funny, but he was serious. I never doubted that at my slightest response, Manfred would be booking us into the nearest hotel as fast as he could whip out his wallet. ↗

— Charlaine Harris

#manfred #funny

[Tony] Pérez stood out because he was a clutch hitter. And like Bench and Morgan and Rose, it was a clutch October hit that immortalized him in baseball’s postseason lore. The powerful first baseman hit three home runs against Boston during the 1975 World Series, but none bigger than his blast against Bill Lee. ↗

— Tucker Elliot

#cincinnati-reds #tony-perez #home

You can never really escape. It goes with you, wherever you go. Somehow, the prairie dust gets in your blood, and it flows through your veins until it becomes a part of you. The vast stretches of empty fields, the flat horizons of treeless plains. The simplicity of the people—good, earnest people. The way they talk and the way they live. The lack of occurrence, lack of attention, lack of everything. All that—it’s etched into your soul and it colors the way you see everything and it becomes a part of you. Eventually, Ms. Harper, when you leave, everything you experience outside of Kansas will be measured against all you know here. And none of it will make any sense. ↗

— P.S. Baber

#kansas #experience

Now, the impact on export markets - we export about 10 percent of what we produce, so obviously that will probably have some impact on the market. At this point it's too early to determine how much. ↗

— Ann Veneman

#determine #early #export #how #impact

Zoo-Wee Mama! ↗

— Jeff Kinney

#humor #person #stick #humor