#penis

I could name my penis Steve, and it would be appropriate, as it is sort of shaped like my dad’s face, whose name is Steve. Not just his face, but his whole body and person is named Steve. And he’s a dick. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #penis #funny

Being alive means living fully extended. Like Orafoura’s cousin, who is 2.5 inches tall, but has a five-inch penis. You can’t say that’s average, because how many people do you know whose penis is twice as long as they are? ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#cousin #funny #living #orafoura #penis

I belong, and my penis, it be long.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #penis #silly #funny

John, let me make one thing clear,” Jim said, cutting me off in his most stern, evangelical voice. “Every man is blessed with his gifts from the Lord. One of mine happens to be a penis large enough that, if it had a penis of its own, my penis’ penis would be larger than your penis.”..... ..."Fuck all of you,” John retorted. “You don’t even exist. We’re all just a figment of my cock’s imagination. ↗

— David Wong

#hilarity #humour #penises #stupid-boys #imagination

It’s a cliché to say that men think with their penises. But it’s a fact. And penises are notoriously stupid. My penis, for example, probably only has an IQ of 144, or about 12 times its length in inches when limp. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#cliche #fact #iq #limp #men

If there was a god, I'd still have both nuts. ↗

— Lance Armstrong

#god #penises #religion #testicles #religion

Viagra increases bloodflow to the penis, but what drug increases bloodflow to the brain?
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#penis #viagra #food

The list of women he’s slept with is longer than his penis. The list is three inches long.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #naughty #penis #sex #slut

I told my doctor my penis was as thin as a spaghetti noodle. I asked if there was anything I could do to bulk it up, and he said, “Yeah, tell your girl to twirl it on a fork before she puts it in her mouth. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #penis #funny

It's a penis," Margo said, "in the same sense that Rhode Island is a state: it may have an illustrious history, but it sure isn't big. ↗

— John Green

#humor