#penis

It’s a cliché to say that men think with their penises. But it’s a fact. And penises are notoriously stupid. My penis, for example, probably only has an IQ of 144, or about 12 times its length in inches when limp. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#cliche #fact #iq #limp #men

If there was a god, I'd still have both nuts. ↗

— Lance Armstrong

#god #penises #religion #testicles #religion

Viagra increases bloodflow to the penis, but what drug increases bloodflow to the brain?
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#penis #viagra #food

The list of women he’s slept with is longer than his penis. The list is three inches long.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #naughty #penis #sex #slut

I told my doctor my penis was as thin as a spaghetti noodle. I asked if there was anything I could do to bulk it up, and he said, “Yeah, tell your girl to twirl it on a fork before she puts it in her mouth. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #penis #funny

It's a penis," Margo said, "in the same sense that Rhode Island is a state: it may have an illustrious history, but it sure isn't big. ↗

— John Green

#humor

Now go to bed, you crazy night owl! You have to be at NASA early in the morning. So they can look for your penis with the Hubble telescope. ↗

— Tina Fey

#nasa #penis #humor

I want to roll my eyes, but I'm pretty soon they're going to get stuck in the back of my head, and penis puns are really not worth my permanent facial damage. ↗

— Lauren Morrill

#funny #penis-jokes #funny

Peaches found herself wondering if Mary, a tiny brunette with an unprepossessing manner and less than ‘stellar’ work ethics, had to play Where’s Waldo to find Steve’s dick beneath his gigantic waistline. ↗

— A.T. Hicks

#funny #outrageous-behavior #penis-size #funny

Because I feel as if I let it down. As if it needed something from me, I was its only hope, and now that hope is gone.' 'What penis doesn’t try to make you feel that way? ↗

— R.J. Silver

#penis #funny