#penis

And eventually in that house where everyone, even the fugitive hiding in the cellar from his faceless enemies, finds his tongue cleaving dryly to the roof of his mouth, where even the sons of the house have to go into the cornfield with the rickshaw boy to joke about whores and compare the length of their members and whisper furtively about dreams of being film directors (Hanif's dream, which horrifies his dream-invading mother, who believes the cinema to be an extension of the brothel business), where life has been transmuted into grotesquery by the irruption into it of history, eventually in the murkiness of the underworld he cannot help himself, he finds his eyes straying upwards, up along delicate sandals and baggy pajamas and past loose kurta and above the dupatta, the cloth of modesty, until eyes meet eyes, and then ↗

— Salman Rushdie

#history #mothers #movies #penises #sexuality

If I had no penis, how would I pee? How would I make love? How would I think? ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #love #penis #think #age

The Beautiful Poem" I go to bed in Los Angeles thinking about you. Pissing a few moments ago I looked down at my penis affectionately. Knowing it has been inside you twice today makes me feel beautiful. ↗

— Richard Brautigan

#sex #beauty

If I had a hand for a penis, would a hand job be appropriate in place of a handshake at business meetings?
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#greetings #hand #hand-job #handshake #meetings

If liquid courage smelled like cologne and gushed out of my penis, I’d make a better fire fighter than I’m not right now. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#penis #strange #surreal #change

I can handle it. But it stinks, if you ask me, really stinks, that you get to go out somewhere drinking beer while I'm stuck at Baby Central. Just because you have a penis." "We'll think fondly of you over beer, me and my penis." She ate a little more, then smiled slowly. "You've still got to be in the birthing room when she pushes it out." "Shut up, Eve." "Your penis won't save you then, Pal. ↗

— J.D. Robb

#eve-dallas #penis #roarke #death

I am one pair of roses away from the grave,” I told the midget with the twelve-inch erection. It wasn’t his—he was just holding it for a friend (that impressive penis belonged to a much taller man). Ah, but that’s life, no?
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#death #erection #grave #life #midget

Men read maps better than women because only men can understand the concept of an inch equaling a hundred miles. ↗

— Roseanne Barr

#maps #men #overcompensation #penises #travel

There’s a penis in my penne pasta. It’s my penis, but that doesn’t mean it belongs there.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#belonging #belongs #food #pasta #penis

I could name my penis Steve, and it would be appropriate, as it is sort of shaped like my dad’s face, whose name is Steve. Not just his face, but his whole body and person is named Steve. And he’s a dick. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #penis #funny