#parody

After getting dressed, I looked in the mirror. Staring back was a sallowcheeked girl with long, dark hair, pale skin and dark eyes. Just kidding! That would be so scary. Staring back was me. ↗

— Harvard Lampoon

#harvard-lampoon #nightlight #parody #twilight #funny

There is something immensely scary about putting yourself out there for people to love or hate you, fan or pan you, review or screw you. ↗

— L.V. Lewis

#contemporary-romance #erotic-romance #interracial-romance #parody #love

I took the one letter he had for us. It was from the Switchblade Gas & Electric Company. I didn't know I had admirers there too, but I wasn't that surprised. I threw it in the trash with the IRS's love letters and closed the door without reply. ↗

— The Harvard Lampoon

#parody #humor

In the land of sour grapes, the half-eaten apple is the queen ↗

— Katerina Stoykova Klemer

#parody #humor

It was a bright cold day in April, and the clocks were striking thirteen. It was the future, and everything sucked. ↗

— Greg Nagan

#first-sentence #first-words #humor #opening-lines #parody

I don't believe in virgin sacrifice. It encourages promiscuity at an early age ↗

— Adrianne Ambrose

#barbarian #comedy #fantasy #parody #age

Because I want to have sex with him--and because that's sinful--I'm blushing and flushing furiously under his scrutinizing scrutiny. ↗

— Jess C. Scott

#crime-fiction #drama #e-l-james #fifty-shades #fifty-shades-of-grey

He was muscular, like a man who could pin you up against the wall as easily as a poster, yet lean, like a man who would rather cradle you in his arms. He had reddish, blonde-brown hair that was groomed heterosexually. He looked older than the other boys in the room—maybe not as old as God or my father, but certainly a viable replacement. Imagine if you took every woman’s idea of a hot guy and averaged it out into one man. This was that man. ↗

— Harvard Lampoon

#nightlight #parody #twilight #imagination

Did you notice anything funny about Edwart in class? I think I love him,” I said nonchalantly. “Well, he did look kind of angry when you fell and disconnected his computer charger.” So it wasn’t all in my mind; others had noticed Edwart’s awareness of me. ↗

— Harvard Lampoon

#nightlight #parody #twilight #funny

Alice is fictional. This isn't. ↗

— Jess C. Scott

#dark-humor #group-think #groupthink #lady-gaga #mad-magazine