#our

I took a deep breath. "I'm sorry I lied, I like your Star Wars sheets, you're not that bad of a driver, and I swear on my Very Cherry lip gloss that I will never lie to you again. ↗

— Gemma Halliday

#humour #humor

Not going to walk me to the door?" I asked, pretending to be shocked at his lack of gallantry. "Of course I am. many would think that a bonny lass such as yerself wouldst be able to stay out of trouble for a distance of fifteen feet, but I know better." "Did you just use the words yerself and wouldst in the same sentence? You can't be a pirate and a courtier at the same time, Dev. It just isn't done. ↗

— Jennifer Lynn Barnes

#humor #humour #humor

I can't forget things, or ignore them-bad things that happen," I said. "I'm a lay-it-all-out person, a dwell-on-it person, an obsess-about-it person. If I hold things in and try to forget or pretend, I become a madman and have panic attacks. I have to talk. ↗

— E. Lockhart

#girls #humor #humorous #humour #humor

A gourmet who thinks of calories is like a tart who looks at her watch. ↗

— James Beard

#gourmet #her #like #looks #tart

Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God's final word on where your lips end. ↗

— Jerry Seinfeld

#color #concerned #end #final #final word

Tomorrow I was supposed to have a meeting with a salesperson, who happened to be Orafoura. But something came up, so I called him and said, “I’m sorry to tell you this, but I have to cancel tomorrow.” To which he replied, “Cancel tomorrow! Who do you think you are, God? ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#god #humor #orafoura #sales #funny

When danger reared its ugly head, He bravely turned his tail and fled. ↗

— Graham Chapman

#humour #sir-robin #humor

Caw! Caw, Hartley, caw!" Chase narrowed his eyes again. "Sam?" I nodded. Then crossed to the window again and called down to Sam. "You can quit squawking. He caught me. ↗

— Gemma Halliday

#humour #humor

Sorry. i just can't seem to help myself. My brain is freaking out. Two predawn mornings in a row. It doesn't know what to think, how to act. I'll have a talk with it later. Perhaps get it some counseling. ↗

— Darynda Jones

#humour #humor

We are like chameleons, we take our hue and the color of our moral character, from those who are around us. ↗

— John Locke

#character #color #hue #like #moral