#ones

My name is Skippito Friskito. (clap-clap) I fear not a single bandito. (clap-clap) My manners are mellow, I'm sweet like the Jell-o, I get the job done, yes indeed-o. (clap-clap) ↗

— Judy Schachner

#humor #mexican #siamese-cats #skippyjon-jones #humor

Noseless and Handless, the Lannister Boys. ↗

— George R.R. Martin

#a-storm-of-swords #game-of-thrones #humor #humorous-quotes #jaime-lannister

Alone-sex didn't count. It's like the difference between thinking to yourself or having a good conversation with someone----the pleasure is in the exchange." -Liberty Jones ↗

— Lisa Kleypas

#liberty-jones #sex #sugar-daddy #humor

Magic is the only honest profession. A magician promises to deceive you and he does. ↗

— Karl Germain

#humor #illusionists #illusions #magic #magicians

I'd always hoped that when i said 'I Love You' to a girl, she'd say 'I Know' like Leia did to Han in Return Of The Jedi ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#i-love-you #simon-lewis #star-wars #love

I'm glad you're still upright, Charles, and the only reason you are is because she didn't have any silver. She'd have staked you right and proper otherwise. She has a tendency to shrivel someone first and then introduce herself afterwards." "That's uncalled for!" I said, insulted at the suggestion that I was homicidal. "Right." Bones let that go. "Kitten, this is my best mate, Charles, but you can call him Spade. Charles, this is Cat, the woman I've been telling you about. You can see for yourself that everything I've said is... an understatement. ↗

— Jeaniene Frost

#humor #humor

You should spend more time reading the Good Book and less reading all those novels. What are you going to tell the Lord on Judgement Day when He asks you why you didn't read your bible? Hmm?" I will tell Him that His press agents could have done with a writing lesson or two, I said. To myself. ↗

— Jennifer Donnelly

#humor #writing #humor

At fourteen my sister sailed away from me into a place I'd never been. In the walls of my sex there was horror and blood, in the walls of hers there were windows. ↗

— Alice Sebold

#love

Technology offers us a unique opportunity, though rarely welcome, to practice patience. ↗

— Allan Lokos

#cell-phones #compassion #computers #internet #art

Las mujeres se esmeran mucho para estar bien vestidas para hombres que solo quieren verlas desnudas. ↗

— Arturo González-Campos

#español #humor #love #relaciones #relationships